Seneca, On Peace of Mind 15.5

Yet it is better to accept public morals and human vices calmly without bursting into either laughter or tears; for to be hurt by the sufferings of others is to be forever miserable, while to enjoy the sufferings of others is an inhuman pleasure, just as it is a useless piece of humanity to weep and pull a long face because someone is burying his son.

There is a great danger, however, in laughing or crying for all the wrong reasons.

Sometimes my smiling is not from cheerfulness, but from condescension.

Sometimes my frown is not from sympathy, but from despair.

The intentions behind the expressions are far more important than just the expressions themselves.

It is best, in the end, not to let any extreme emotion lead me about by the nose, but to find a constant and peaceful center.

I am an admittedly odd fellow, and I am often told that I think far too much, yet I still can’t help but notice how both laughter and tears can arise from either healthy or unhealthy motives.

I may assume, for example, that laughing is all about fellowship and joviality, or that crying is all about compassion and understanding. That is, sadly, not always the case.

Now my evidence is only anecdotal, but when I look back at my life, I find that most of the laughter I saw was about a sense of power that came from mocking and dismissing others, and most of the tears I saw were signs of the deepest self-pity, the stroking of a sense of wounded vanity.

In either case, people too often laugh out of pride, and they too often cry out of pride. I am fairly certain we can do better than that.

I unfortunately have a very vivid memory, and so past events will often seem more vivid to me than those right here in the present. I have been laughed at more often than I can count, and I have cried for myself more often than I can count. It was no good when others chose to degrade me, and it was no good when I chose to degrade myself.

It is easier for me to understand how ridicule is a reflection of my arrogance, while it is more difficult for me to understand how wallowing is a reflection of my arrogance. Nevertheless, when I care only for a most glorious me, they are both much the same, two sides of the same coin.

Do I make myself bigger by making others smaller? My misguided anger or my misguided grief will do precisely that on the inside, even as they may look quite attractive on the outside.

Written in 12/2011