Seneca, On Peace of Mind 14.6

It is marvelous how that man spoke and acted, and how peaceful he was. He was playing at draughts when the centurion in charge of a number of those who were going to be executed bade him to join them.

On the summons he counted his men and said to his companion, "Mind you do not tell a lie after my death, and say that you won."

Then, turning to the centurion, he said "You will bear me witness that I am one man ahead of him."

The first thing I notice is how Canius is playing checkers, what my old Irish family used to call draughts, as he knows that his execution is approaching.

Is he in denial? Is he just being facetious? Is this some form of clever and angry protest? I may think such things whenever I no longer have faith in the goodness of a human soul. Many people I know are dark and cynical about life, always seeing the worst, and always using this as a means to complain about how unfairly they are being treated.

Maybe, just maybe, a good game of checkers is all I need? There I can have a laugh, and quicken my mind, and enjoy the fellowship of a friend.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the man actually meant it, that he spent some of the last bit of time he had left to enjoy a humble amusement.

I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, and it took me a few readings of this simple text to appreciate another aspect of its meaning.

Taken away from his game, he asks his opponent to be honest.

Then, facing the guard whose job it is to push him this way and that, he asks the bully to be honest as well.

Death is near, and he is encouraging others to practice virtue, however firmly his tongue is planted in his cheek.

In so many ways, sincerity is at the core of virtue. Know yourself, and be honest with yourself. Know right from wrong, and make no excuses. Know that others deserve to be given that truth, instead of any lies that might be more convenient.

How much does it really matter if I win this game of checkers, or if I get that promotion at work, or if I acquire more fame than my neighbor? All of that might be nice and well, but it will be of no use to me if I am not honest and caring from the get-go.

How many years have I now wasted in being bigger, while others become smaller? How much effort have I now expended in being a fraud?

Integrity may not win me any games, but it will allow me to die with a sense of genuine worth.

Written in 12/2011