Seneca, On Peace of Mind 12.1

Chapter 12

The next point to these will be to take care that we do not labor for what is vain, or labor in vain: that is to say, neither to desire what we are not able to obtain, nor yet, having obtained our desire too late, and after much toil, to discover the folly of our wishes.

In other words, that our labor may not be without result, and that the result may not be unworthy of our labor: for as a rule sadness arises from one of these two things, either from want of success or from being ashamed of having succeeded.

If I look at all my efforts over the years, I’m afraid I have to cringe at my many failures. In almost every case, I did not fail because I was lazy, but because I pursued the wrong goals. Either I desired things that were impossible to acquire, or I fell into a deep disappointment when I found that they were not at all what they were cracked up to be.

I could claim that I had been tricked, but I had really only deceived myself. The very act of pointing fingers at others became just another misguided passion, somehow thinking that running after resentment would satisfy me.

Allowing impressions to lead me by the nose, I surrendered my judgments. My work was hardly productive, focused on objects that were beyond my mastery, or on objects that yielded no worthy benefits.

How much time and effort did I spend on trying to win the affections of another person? The ultimate lesson I had to learn, of course, was that I held no immediate power over how other people thought and felt, and yet for far too long I plodded away at “making” people love me. I did have control over what I did, and whether I chose to love, but not over what they did, and whether they chose to love.

Instead, I can completely commit myself to changing my own mind and heart on my own terms, and then let others make their decisions on their own terms.

How much time and effort did I spend on trying to acquire possessions? I never thought I could realistically get a hold of immense wealth, knowing that this came to only the very few, and even then only with the cooperation of Fortune. Yet I still clamored after less grand things, imagining that this trinket or that luxury might bring me greater happiness. How foolish I felt when they did no such thing.

Instead, I can completely commit myself to building up my own habits of expectation, being content with receiving little for myself while striving to give the most of myself.

How much time and effort did I spend on trying to build up the most impressive professional life? I was indeed able to jump though the hoops that were held out for me, or run on that hamster wheel to prove my work ethic, and once I had exhausted myself with all of that, I was absolutely no better on the inside; quite often I had made myself much worse.

Instead, I can completely commit myself to working on who I am, not on how I appear to others, measuring my life by the rewards that so many other folks are sadly willing to abandon.

I can direct my efforts to improving my character. That is never beyond my reach, because it requires only what I already have. That will never let me down, because it fulfills everything that I am.

Written in 12/2011