Musonius Rufus, Lectures 12.3

The fact that those relationships are not lawful or seemly makes them a disgrace and a reproach to those seeking them; whence it is that no one dares to do any of these things openly, not even if he has all but lost the ability to blush, and those who are not completely degenerate dare to do these things only in hiding and in secret.

And yet to attempt to cover up what one is doing is equivalent to a confession of guilt.

If I wish to consider what is lawful, not merely in the sense of what is popular but in the sense of what is right, then I must learn to look beyond the impression of what is gratifying or expedient. Stoic ethics is built upon the premise that the human good is found in virtue, since we are first and foremost creatures of reason and choice, called by Nature not just to feel good, but to live well.

This necessity informs all aspects of life. Whatever my preferences may be, however my passions may speak to me, will my actions be in harmony with wisdom, with courage, with temperance, and with justice?

Musonius speaks quite strongly about sexual vices here, and so we might be tempted to think he is being more prudish than prudent. Yet I would suggest that he is so insistent in the matter precisely because sexuality is one of those aspects of life where people can be at their absolute worst, where they most fail to practice self-control, where they so deeply exploit others, where they behave more like animals than human beings.

In my own thinking, I find it boils down to whether I am acting out of love or out of lust. The first is an act of the will, and it is concerned with joining my own good to that of others. The second is allowing myself to be led by my appetites, and it measures the value of others by how much they pleasure me.

It is a property of a rational creature also to know guilt and shame, and it is no accident that a painful awareness of our weaknesses and failures is so prevalent in our sexual behavior, or, more properly, our sexual misbehavior.

Now some might say that this is only a consequence of social pressures, but those of us who still choose to recognize a conscience know that it is rooted in something deeper, in a sense of right and wrong imprinted upon us by Nature. There is a perfectly good reason we feel self-disgust and remorse whenever we abuse human dignity for the sake of selfish amusement

Now it may seem that the most lustful and gluttonous are quite shameless in their ways, but notice that even they will try to keep their exploits private, and they will hang their heads when others look upon them. I have known many people who insist that we should never hide our liberated libidos, and yet I have known very few who would actually copulate on the street, like dogs would.

I was once foolishly enamored with a girl who told me that she never regretted jumping into bed with dozens of men, and yet she could not bear for her parents or teachers to know of it. I wonder if she now speaks nostalgically about her old conquests to her colleagues, or her husband, or her children? 

Written in 12/1999

IMAGE: Auguste Rodin, Eve After the Fall (c. 1886)