Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy 4.42

“For this reason a wise man should never complain, whenever he is brought into strife with fortune; just as a brave man cannot properly be disgusted whenever the noise of battle is heard, since for both of them their very difficulty is their opportunity, for the brave man of increasing his glory, for the wise man of confirming and strengthening his wisdom.

“From this is virtue itself so named because it is so supported by its strength that it is not overcome by adversity. And you who were set in the advance of virtue have not come to this pass of being dissipated by delights, or enervated by pleasure; but you fight too bitterly against all fortune.

“Keep the middle path of strength and virtue, lest you be overwhelmed by misfortune or corrupted by pleasant fortune. All that falls short or goes too far ahead, has contempt for happiness, and gains not the reward for labor done. It rests in your own hands what shall be the nature of the fortune which you choose to form for yourself.

“For all fortune that seems difficult, either exercises virtue, or corrects or punishes vice.”

—from Book 4, Prose 7

Is this all going to end up being another advertisement for machismo? I don’t easily buy into that. From the earliest age, I saw how often “manliness” was just an excuse for the glorification of force and violence.

Men are men, I was told, because they swallow their sensitivities, and whenever they see something they want, they throw their weight around to take it for themselves. These champions of manhood also say that women will swoon for that sort of behavior.

You tell me that is all outdated now? I regret to say that you are sorely mistaken. I see it in my classroom, I see it at the support group I try to run, I see it at my local VFW.

Men are absolutely at their worst when they are confused about what it means to be a man. Women are equally at their worst when they are confused about what it means to be a woman. Humanity somehow got lost in the shuffle.

See here, once again, how the problem is in my own twisted expectations. Boethius isn’t telling me to be tough in that way. He does indeed want me to be tough, but not like a bully or an abuser. The courage is not in imposing myself upon the world—the courage is in imposing a character upon myself.

What might such a character require, whether for a man or a woman?

Observe carefully what is coming my way. Perhaps it already here, or perhaps I know it is imminent; I’m not sure which is the more troubling.

Then see that my fears, my worries, my sadness, or my lusts are within me, and recognize that those feelings will not define me, unless I decide to let them do so. Accept them, but do not be ruled by them.

Then let them be what they are, and then choose to be who I am. Keep my mind focused on one thought, as sharp as a blade: every event gives me the opportunity to become stronger, not by winning a battle with another, but by winning a battle within myself.

Then stand up, whatever the external consequences might be, and have the fortitude to say: This hurts me, but I will make some good of it; this gratifies me, and yet I will still manage to make some good of it.

Then resist the temptation to think that the pleasant is somehow better than the painful. They are both the same, even as one feels more enticing than the other. Each serves a purpose, however confusing it may seem.

Then find peace, the joy of having done right, whether or not another has done right or done wrong. Stop caring for what others think and do. I will look to what I think and do.

The true warrior does not fight to kill; I believe that would be nothing but a murderer. No, the true warrior fights to protect what is true, good, and beautiful. He, or she, understands where the real war has to be waged.

There will be hardship and adversity on either side: either in my feelings of want or in my feelings of disgust. There will also be a chance to become better by means of them all. Desire drags me one way, and anger drags another. I will tame them both.

Virtue is strength precisely because it demands a steady course, between one extreme or the other. It requires the conscience to lead a life, and the conviction to keep it steady.

With those values in mind, circumstances, whatever they might be, will push me further on the right path, or push me off of the wrong path. To use a Millennial phrase, “It’s all good.”

It all came to me, but it did not make me. What did I do with it? There’s the real man: not the taker, but the maker.

Written in 12/2015