As,
therefore, in times of pestilence we have to be careful not to sit near people
who are infected and in whom the disease is raging, because by so doing, we shall
run into danger and catch the plague from their very breath, so, too, in
choosing our friends' dispositions, we must take care to select those who are
as far as may be unspotted by the world; for the way to breed disease is to mix
what is sound with what is rotten.
The imagery here may seem a bit
dramatic, and there is the danger of taking it too literally, but the fact
remains that bad company breeds bad character. From a Stoic perspective, of
course, it isn’t the evil that is forcing itself into me, but rather that I am then
so easily inclined to freely welcome it into my soul.
Or put another way, I have no
problem with letting a virus be a virus, but I do have a problem with my own
immunity to it. Keeping it at a safe distance helps me to help myself.
My own stubbornness and pride will
tell me that I can fight off any disease, that I can walk through fire and not
get burned, or that I can surround myself with sinners and still remain a
saint.
What I fail to see is that my own
poor judgments about the people I choose to have present in my life already
reflect my weaknesses. The only thing that draws me to their vices is my own
disposition to vice.
If you had the blessing of decent
parents, you will remember arguing with them over whom you called your friends.
They warned you about getting into trouble, about being around bad influences,
and you rolled your eyes, and you were sure you knew better. Now occasionally
they were wrong, but usually they were right, weren’t they? You realized it just
a moment too late.
When you fell deeply in love with
someone dishonest, and those who cared about you looked on in concern, did you
insist that she was just confused, that you could change her, and that your
commitment would overcome all obstacles? Then, when you were reduced to a
sobbing mass nursing a broken heart, did you finally learn what happens when
you trust the untrustworthy?
Did your wife beg you not to take
that job with those leeches, and did you promise that you could make all the
good money with them, but that it wouldn’t change who you were on the inside?
It was just work, and nothing more. Was there a certain moment when you saw
what had become of your soul, or did that terrifying insight only come to you
gradually?
“Well, if I’m being a Stoic, I can
choose not to let the actions of others affect me. I can rise above all of
that, and be a better person, right?”
Yes, you most certainly can, because
your character is within your power. But did you notice that by deciding to
enjoy yourself with them, to cooperate with them, to trust in them, you were
already making a critical choice about what you really cared about?
Written in 8/2011
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