It is above all things necessary
to form a true estimate of oneself, because as a rule we think that we can do
more than we are able: one man is led too far through confidence in his
eloquence, another demands more from his estate than it can produce, another
burdens a weakly body with some toilsome duty.
Some men are too shamefaced for
the conduct of public affairs, which require an unblushing front; some men's
obstinate pride renders them unfit for courts; some cannot control their anger,
and break into unguarded language on the slightest provocation; some cannot
rein in their wit or resist making risky jokes.
For all these men leisure is
better than employment: a bold, haughty and impatient nature ought to avoid
anything that may lead it to use a freedom of speech that will bring it to
ruin.
I have
noticed that some people are drawn to Stoicism because of its stress on
self-reliance, yet they can run into difficulty when they must confront the
limits of what that self can do. They grow frustrated when they see that not
everything is within their power, and such a lesson may not come easily.
Instead
of recognizing our own boundaries, we vainly expand them to confuse our own
nature with all of Nature. Rather than being content to be our own masters, we
lust for a mastery over everything else. We do not find peace by being in
harmony with the whole, but go to war so that we might conquer the whole. And
then we wonder at the pain, the loss, and the tears.
I remind
myself that there is no weakness in me when I do not rule over the nature of
another, only when I do not take responsibility for my own nature. A mouse is
no less because he is not an elephant, and I am no less if I do not possess
anything or everything I see around me.
Do I
wish to rule over a kingdom, to grow into a colossus, to turn everything I
touch into gold? Even if any of that were somehow within my power, it could
never replace the worth of having power over my own character.
If I
follow the Delphic advice to know myself, I will be glad to accept both my
strengths and my weaknesses. That my influence may not be cast wide does not
mean it cannot run deep. My greed and vanity might tickle my desire to have
more, but it will be sufficient to simply be better.
An
awareness of my own particular dispositions and habits is a necessary part of
this process. I am not nearly as clever, or as charming, or as beloved as I
might like to think, and so I can learn to be quite content with improving my
own soul whenever, wherever, and however I might be able.
There
are many endeavors I am hardly suited for, because I do not have the gifts to
be of benefit, only the flaws to cause more harm. My melancholy only gets in
the way of inspiring hope, and my stubbornness only gets in the way of being a
leader, and my concupiscence only gets in the way of distributing justice.
Until I
can finally tame such inclinations, I am best served by first working on my
private virtues, instead of taking on all sorts of public tasks. I will do
neither myself nor anyone else any good by trying to be a teacher who lacks
wisdom, or a judge who lacks mercy, or a commander who lacks courage. Let me
attend to what is inside of me before I seek to influence what is outside of
me.
The
leisure of philosophy is not something that should come after I have pursued a
worldly career, but needs to come well before I take on any responsibility of
high office. Confusing that priority will never end well.
“I know
I have what it takes to be a lawyer! I’m smart, I’m confident, and I know how
to make people listen to me.”
“Yes,
you most certainly have those qualities. Do you also have humility, integrity,
and compassion?”
“Are you
saying you don’t think I have them?”
“What I
think doesn’t matter. Do you know if you
have them?”
Written in 8/2011
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