Seneca, On Peace of Mind 4.5

Thus, it is never possible for so many outlets to be closed against your ambition that more will not remain open to it: but see whether the whole prohibition does not arise from your own fault.

You do not choose to direct the affairs of the state except as consul, or prytanis, or meddix, or sufes: what should we say if you refused to serve in the army save as general or military tribune?

How accustomed I have become to thinking of success and failure by my circumstances. I will define my worth by the things I possess, the position I am given, or the satisfaction I receive. And if these don’t come my way as I demand, I wonder who I might blame for my misery, or why the stars weren’t aligned, or if I just wasn’t clever or forceful enough in winning the conditions I wanted.

“This has happened, or that was taken away, so now I can never be happy!” What an odd way for me to understanding winning or losing, where everything I am depends on everything other than myself.

“But what can I possibly do now, without any opportunities?” That will all hinge upon what I consider worth doing. Many people will measure success and failure by wealth, influence, and luxury, but I do not need to see it that way at all. If I reflect upon my own nature, I can do much better.

There will always be opportunities for me to live well and to be of service. I can always know success, if only I so decide, whenever I take the time and effort to act according to Nature. Has my action been a just one? Then, whatever the context or whatever the scale, it has been a good one, and a successful one.

All that stands in my way is my own stubborn insistence that the world should give me rewards beyond the virtue of my own actions, or that others should give me only the opportunities I prefer. It suddenly starts sounding quite vain when I put it that way.

Some will commit to unconditional love, and then promptly add conditions. Others will beg for the chance to get ahead in life, and then promptly reject the options they are given. This is because they do not know what love is, and they do not know what getting ahead in life really entails.

I can’t say that I want to help society by being a teacher, but then complain about the low pay, the grueling hours of grading, the crippling politics, or the ungrateful students.

I can’t say I want to be a lawyer to defend people’s rights, but then complain about not getting into the right law school, or being hired by the wrong firm, or losing that plum promotion.

In much the same way, I can’t say that I want to be a good man, but then complain about all the available ways I could go about being a good man.

Where is the obstacle? I am the obstacle. I can’t control what life gives me, even as I can control what I give to life. It won’t be actual service if I insist on being served.

Written in 7/2011