And yet that there is not one set
of virtues for a man and another for a woman is easy to perceive. In the first
place, a man must have understanding and so must a woman, or what pray would be
the use of a foolish man or woman?
Then it is essential for one no
less than the other to live justly, since the man who is not just would not be
a good citizen, and the woman would not manage her household well if she did
not do it justly; but if she is unjust she will wrong her husband like Eriphyle
in the story.
Again, it is recognized as right
for a woman in wedlock to be chaste, and so is it likewise for a man; the law,
at all events, decrees the same punishment for committing adultery as for being
taken in adultery.
Gluttony, drunkenness, and other
related vices, which are vices of excess and bring disgrace upon those guilty
of them, show that self-control is most necessary for every human being, male
and female alike; for the only way of escape from wantonness is through
self-control; there is no other.
Let us
get beyond the illusion that either men or women need to be smart, or tough, or
in control, or powerful. This is the language of those who define themselves by
what they think they possess outside of themselves, not by who they actually are
within themselves. I will, in stark contrast to the fashion of our times,
insist that none of that really matters.
Be wise,
not merely smart. To understand the difference is to finally grow up. Not all
of us are gifted enough to be clever, but all of us are granted the opportunity
to understand. The mere presence of mind, to whatever degree, is sufficient.
Be
brave, not merely tough. To distinguish between the two is a true measure of
character. Not all of us are born with a set of brass ones, but all of us
possess the power of choice about what is worth fighting for. The mere presence
of a good will, to whatever degree, is sufficient.
Be
temperate, not merely in control. To rule our own desires is very different
from imposing our desires upon others. Not all of us have the knack for
disciplining someone else, but all of us have the ability to discipline
ourselves. The mere presence of true conviction, to whatever degree, is
sufficient.
Be just,
not merely powerful. To decide to do what we should is far better than trying
to do what we want. Not all of us are born as bullies, but all of us are born
with the power of compassion. The mere presence of love, to whatever degree, is
sufficient.
I will boldly
maintain that one of the greatest harms inflicted on human nature in my own lifetime
is the popular insistence that being strong comes first. No, my friends, being
good comes first. If we can’t see the difference, we are a very part of the
problem.
Musonius
here isn’t concerned about whether men or women have power. He is rather
concerned about whether men or women possess virtue. He is not interested in a
fight between men and women, but rather in a complementarity between men and
women. He is doing what most of us don’t seem capable of doing, finding what
unites us instead of dwelling on what divides us.
To be
good, a man needs understanding, and a woman needs understanding. There is no way
of doing anything well without the knowledge of right and wrong.
To be
good, a man needs to be fair, and a woman needs to be fair. Love your neighbor
as yourself, whoever that neighbor might be.
To be
good, a man needs to be chaste, and a woman needs to be chaste. If you can’t be
loyal and committed in love, you are nothing but a scoundrel.
To be
good, a man needs to be a master of his passions, and a woman needs to be a mistress
of her passions. If you let your gut rule your head, you are then completely
upside down.
The shared
human needs remain completely the same, even if the inclinations or circumstances
may be different.
Written in 5/1999
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