Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.8

Contemplate the forms of things bare of their coverings; the purposes of actions; consider what pain is, what pleasure is, and death, and fame; who is to himself the cause of his uneasiness; how no man is hindered by another; that everything is opinion.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.8 (tr Long)

“Pay attention! Why aren’t you paying attention?”

How often did I hear that phrase, first when I was in school, being told what was expected of me, and then when I was a worker bee, being told once again what was expected of me? How often did I get that very message, when I watched an advertisement on television, or when I listened to powerful and important people?

Most everywhere I turn, people are telling me to pay them heed. I am fairly certain they are doing this because I have something they might want. It is not necessarily just my money, of which I have little, or even just my loyalty, which will be of no real use to them, but perhaps only my submission, which makes them fell all warm and comfortable.

By all means, pay attention. Consider. Contemplate. Seek to understand. Yet what matters isn’t the attention itself, but what we might actually consider worthy of attention.

“Buy my product!” No, it doesn’t interest me.

“Vote for me!” No, you are playing a game.

“Worship at my altar!” No, you are selling idols.

Cut through all of that, go straight to the bone, and contemplate what is at the core of life. Do not be diverted by playful illusions and siren songs, do not be distracted by whatever appeals to the lesser part of you.

What is its nature, beneath all the appearances, whether appealing or frightening? Why is it here, and for what end does it exist? Why does this one thing seem to hurt, while this other thing seems to be pleasant? What is so frightening about death? Why do I feel the need to win any recognition at all?

Strip all the clutter away, and I will then understand why I am so uneasy. I have paid attention to the outside, not to the inside, to the style, and not to the substance.

I have forgotten something most important: I am not made by all these conditions that you insist demand my attention. You know full well that I will forget who I am, as soon as I have become obsessed with everything I am not.

How I form my own judgments will determine everything else about the value of my life. Do not try to draw me away from this, because I choose not to be your plaything. 

Written in 7/2009