Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.5.2

. . . But if this is so, be assured that if it ought to have been otherwise, the gods would have done it. For if it were just, it would also be possible; and if it were according to Nature, nature would have had it so.

But because it is not so, if in fact it is not so, be convinced that it ought not to have been so. For you see even of yourself that in this inquiry you are disputing with the Deity; and we should not thus dispute with the gods, unless they were most excellent and most just. But if this is so, they would not have allowed anything in the ordering of the Universe to be neglected unjustly and irrationally.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.5 (tr Long)

Whenever I am butting heads with Providence, I inevitably find that my own estimation is the problem.

I expect the world to conform to my own passions and preferences, instead of learning how my own passions and preferences can best work in the world.

I am thinking only of what I wish to receive, not of what I am able to give.

It becomes about me being against other things, quite forgetful of my part within the harmony of the whole.

If it happens as it does, I can learn to accept that it happens as it does, and that it is rightly meant to happen as it does. Each piece has played a part, and now it only remains for me to play my part.

If I cry and complain, I am hardly making the situation any better, and I am only making myself worse. If I commit myself to the good in my actions, I am perhaps helping to improve other things, and I am most certainly improving myself.

My knowledge that the world unfolds this way for a reason must begin with humility, with an openness to Nature, with a sense of reverence for a greater order and purpose. It does not have to be about my good suffering for the good of other things, and can instead become an awareness of how all things fit together.

False dichotomies will always get me into trouble.

Accordingly, when I face loss, pain, or uncertainty, I should first look to myself. Am I perhaps expecting something that I don’t need to expect? Am I thinking imperfectly about my own good, from my circumstances instead of my character? Am I separating what I want from who I am really meant to be?

I do not need to understand all the mysteries of Providence to work with her; it is sufficient to simply know that I have acted with virtue, according to my particular human nature, and that other things have acted according to their particular natures.

My problem is always expecting more than I should, failing to be content with myself, and doing less than I should, failing to find the excellence that is already within me.

Why am I arguing with God, if I don’t somehow already know that there is a meaningful design playing itself out? I have been given a mastery over myself, and so if I want justice I am called to be just myself. Everything else is fulfilling that calling as well, in its own way, and in its own time, even if my own mind does not immediately perceive all ends.

Written in 7/2009