Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.24.1

These three principles you must have in readiness:

In the things that you do, do nothing either inconsiderately or otherwise than as justice herself would act; but with respect to what may happen to you from without, consider that it happens either by chance or according to Providence, and you must neither blame chance nor accuse Providence. . . .

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.24 (tr Long)

Let me look at what I have too often falsely considered to be justice: getting as much as I want, and giving as little as I must. I will only give, of course, if it helps me to get what I want.

“Oh no, I’m not that way at all!” I won’t speak for you, as I can only speak for myself, but I know I have done this far too many times, always, of course, with the best of intentions.

It required a total rewiring of my thinking to change any of that, to see that there was no difference between “you” and “me”, that what I expect to be given can never be any different than what I expect to give. You and I are the very same, and we are both called to the very same respect for one another. That is a matter of sound reason, not of sticky sentiment.

“But the world treats me unfairly!” Does this excuse my acting unfairly? And am I so sure it is unfair? Another may have acted poorly. Does this change the merit of my own actions? It is always within my power to respond to injustice with justice.

There is always a way to make the wrong things right. It is completely in my way of thinking.

Perhaps the world works by random fate, or perhaps it works by the fate of Providence. Perhaps it happened for no reason at all, or perhaps it happened for the most profound of reasons. Either way, none of that, absolutely none of it, can stop me from being a decent fellow for myself. Why am I always complaining about what has been done, even as I neglect what I might do?

Casting blame is nothing more than dodging my responsibility to myself, and forcing it upon someone or something else.

“But I lost my job, my money, my home, my health, my family! It was wrong for me to lose them!”

Yes, these things can go away in a moment. Yes, someone else may have unjustly taken them away. But here is the most important point: none of these things are me. If I learn that, I avoid all the turmoil and agony.

The me behind it all is about my own ability to live well. Nothing ever takes that away. Change the expectations, and you change the outcome. 

Written in 9/2009