Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.16

When a man has presented the appearance of having done wrong, say this:

How then do I know if this is a wrongful act? And even if he has done wrong, how do I know that he has not condemned himself? And so this is like him tearing at his own face.

Consider that he who would not have the bad man do wrong, is like the man who would not have the fig tree to bear juice in the figs, and infants to cry, and the horse to neigh, and whatever else must of necessity be.

For what must a man do who has such a character? If then you are irritable, cure this man's disposition.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.16 (tr Long)

“I don’t understand why he did such a terrible thing!” For the very same reason I have done terrible things.

“I hope he rots in Hell, he deserves to suffer!” Perhaps he is already suffering more than I know.

“If only he hadn’t done that, my life would be so much better!” Yes, my circumstances may well be different, but that isn’t what will make my life better or worse.

How often have I insisted another has done the wrong thing, and yet it turned out he actually did what was right? Easily as often as I have insisted I have done the right thing, and yet it turned out I had done what was wrong.

How often have I thoughtlessly and heartlessly wanted to punish someone else? Surely as often as I have forgotten that my own vices were my own worst punishment.

How often have I despaired over all the greed, and lust, and treachery in this world? Probably as often as I have ignored what it must mean to be truly human.

I will regularly expect the world to act according to my preferences, revealing my deepest vanity, and for people to always do right by me, revealing my deepest ignorance. I do not understand human nature, or its place within Providence, if I do not see that people will act according to their own judgment, for better or for worse.

Sometimes they will choose well, and sometimes they will choose poorly. It could be no other way in a Universe where rational creatures are trying to discover themselves, to find their own paths. Demanding that a man should never be able to choose what is bad for him is like demanding that a fire should never be hot.

If I am despondent or angry about wrongdoing, it is fruitless to ask that it go away; it is here for a perfectly good reason, a part of Nature unfolding as it should. It is better if I turn my thinking around, and ask what good I am called to do in reply.

If I am confronted with someone who has actually done wrong, nothing of benefit will come, for either of us, by dismissing or hating him; he has done what he thinks is best, however confused he may be. It is better if I turn my thinking around, and ask how I can help him to understand and to love.

I see more clearly, day by day, that a Stoic Turn requires more than just forming a conscience, or even treating virtue as the highest human good. It further asks for the deepest transformation, where old assumptions about what was true and false, good and evil, are shaken to the core.

I am given reason precisely so I do not need to be ruled by what happens to me, and I am being quite unreasonable when I deny that very gift to others. It is only by improving myself that I can ever help another to improve himself.

Written in 8/2009