Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.15

Does the light of the lamp shine without losing its splendor until it is extinguished?

And shall the truth that is in you, and justice, and temperance, be extinguished before your death?

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.15 (tr Long)

A flame will shine as long as it burns, as is in its nature. Will I also shine as long as I live, as is in my nature? Unlike the flame, I possess judgment, and whether I express the humanity that is within me will be decided by my own choices.

First, of course, I must understand what my nature tells me I should do. That the flame will produce light and heat seems obvious enough, but what am I made to produce?

Some tell me it is to receive pleasure, or to acquire possessions, or to make a name for myself. That, they say, is success, and that, they say, is what it means to burn bright. Yet none of that has much of anything to do with my nature, but with the nature of other things. What is my own excellence?

As a creature with a mind, it is the power to understand, and as a creature with a will, it is the power to love. There is my light, and anything else is not the source of my light, but what I may cast my light upon.

Let me be informed by wisdom. Let me be filled with courage. Let me master myself with temperance. Let me do all things with justice. If I strive for these, I can be indifferent to anything else.

The only thing that will extinguish my light is when I permit myself to be smothered by impressions and diversions. I have seen it many times, the fellow who speaks so nobly about how virtue burns within him, but he is only producing smoke. At the lowest points in my life, I have been that very person. I do not wish to be him again.

One day, the oil in the lamp will be exhausted, and the flame will go out. One day, the strength in my body will be exhausted, and my life will go out. That is at it should be, but it would be the greatest tragedy if my struggle for character, for my very humanity, were to be exhausted well before my body.

Then I would just be a shell of a man, still walking, and talking, and going to critical meetings, and taking fancy business trips, and telling clever jokes at dinner parties, even as I am no longer living the life of a man.

I am burned out when I have surrendered my will to do right, not when I cease to be considered an efficient producer and consumer.

Let all the important people say whatever they want, but do be concerned if the decent folks start noticing that your lights are out, and nobody’s at home.

Written in 8/2009