Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.1

All those things at which you wish to arrive by a circuitous road you can have now, if you do not refuse them to yourself. And this means, if you will take no notice of all the past, and trust the future to Providence, and direct the present only conformably to piety and justice.

Conformably to piety that you may be content with the lot that is assigned to you, for Nature designed it for you and you for it.

Conformably to justice, that you may always speak the truth freely and without disguise, and do the things that are agreeable to law and according to the worth of each. And let neither another man's wickedness hinder you, nor opinion nor voice, nor yet the sensations of the poor flesh which has grown about you; for the passive part will look to this.

If, then, whatever the time may be when you shall be near to your departure, neglecting everything else you shall respect only your ruling faculty and the Divinity within you, and if you shall be afraid not because you must some time cease to live, but if you shall fear never to have begun to live according to Nature—then you will be a man worthy of the Universe that has produced you, and you will cease to be a stranger in your native land, and to wonder at things that happen daily as if they were something unexpected, and to be dependent on this or that.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.1 (tr Long)

The difficulty is never in how long it may take, or how much blood and sweat may happen to go into it. The difficulty is in a single choice, in one act of conviction, and in the moral courage necessary to maintain that conviction, renewing it calmly, day by day. There are no profound secrets; there is a simple decision.

I am the only fellow who is able to stop me. There are no other obstacles at all. I might like to blame her, or to point fingers at him, or to insist that those folks brought me down. No one ever brought me down, and no one ever tripped me up. I remain my own worst enemy, and I also remain my own best friend.

What has happened cannot be changed, and it will be a burden if I choose to carry it further. What will happen will most certainly be, and it will be a burden if I fail to see that whatever is, is so for a perfectly good reason. The most basic fact remains: choose to act with character, and the rest takes care of itself.

How is this possible? No altered external circumstances are required. Altered judgment is required.

Will it bring pain? Very likely. Will I be dragged in the dirt? Quite possibly. Will I be left with no possessions? Be prepared for it. Will my life end before I would like? Roll the bones.

That will only seem unbearable if I measure my life by what is done, not by what I do, if I am the victim instead of the agent. Rebuild the man, and you rebuild the whole bag of expectations, forgetting all the garbage coming in, and working on all the merit coming out. Redefine the nature of the reward.

Be pious. I can explain it however it works for me, but I should know that I am a part of a whole, to which I am in service, and which is also in service to me. Respect the order of Creation, and the purpose behind it all.

Be just. I can express it however it makes sense to me, but I should know that I am made to love others. Am I not getting what I think I deserve? Yes I am, because I am giving what I am meant to give, and my reward is already within my own excellence.

No vice from another will destroy me; only my own vice will do that. Let the rest take care of itself.

Lonely? Confused? Frustrated? Yes, all of the time, because it doesn’t always go as I prefer. Allow all of that to be itself, and then I can learn to be myself.

Written in 7/2009