Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11.25

Socrates excused himself to Perdiccas  for not going to him, saying, “It is because I would not perish by the worst of all ends; that is, I would not receive a favor and then be unable to return it.”

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11.25 (tr Long)

It was either King Perdiccas, or his son Archelaus, who invited Socrates to bring his philosophy to Macedonia. Why would Socrates refuse such an offer? Besides his love of his home, Athens, it seems he was afraid of being in the debt of someone so powerful.

I have come to understand this on two levels. In a more pragmatic sense, one should always be wary of being in another’s debt, especially someone who has so much. To be in his debt is to depend upon him, and to depend upon him is to be more under his rule, and less under one’s own. What, pray tell, may he ask in return for his favors? It may well be far more than one is able to give, or willing to give in good conscience.

In a deeper moral sense, it hardly seems right and proper at all to receive without offering in return. For the Stoic, our merit is in what we do, not in what is done to us, so we do not become better by what we get, but by what we give. Accordingly, do not accept anything that you cannot turn around and give back, that you cannot transform into an expression of your own virtue.

The return of a gift is not merely the paying off of some debt; it is further the giving of kindness for kindness, love for love, where the gratitude itself becomes yet another gift. In this way, decent folks can avoid jealousy, resentment, or greed, because they look first to the dignity of their own actions, and are satisfied with this first and foremost.

When my daughter was little, and I would smoke my pipe in the backyard after dinner, she would run around and collect dandelions and buttercups for me. It sounds terribly sentimental, but the look of joy on her face as she handed them to me was always a necessary reminder for me that people are made to be good. We thrive when our own actions are just, compassionate, and merciful.

I notice how many people nevertheless choose to measure their worth by what they are given, and in turn they hardly even own what they think they own. The debtor wants to get something out of the creditor, and the creditor wants to get something out of the debtor. How different it would be if each of us chose instead to think of giving over taking, to measure an investment by the good done for another, to make virtue a more valuable currency than wealth or fame.

It may sound like it comes off a Hallmark card, but the genuine exercise of charity could continue on and on. Even if others are greedy, we could still continue to offer of ourselves, and still be quite content with that, asking for no more. That would be human growth.

Written in 6/2009