Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11.9

As those who try to stand in your way when you are proceeding according to right reason will not be able to turn you aside from your proper action, so neither let them drive you from your benevolent feelings toward them, but be on your guard equally in both matters, not only in the matter of steady judgment and action, but also in the matter of gentleness to those who try to hinder or otherwise trouble you.

For this also is a weakness, to be vexed at them, as well as to be diverted from your course of action and to give way through fear; for both are equally deserters from their post—the man who does it through fear, and the man who is alienated from him who is by nature a kinsman and a friend.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11.9 (tr Long)

Old habits will die hard. Even when I have thought something through as thoroughly as I can, doing my best to remove all selfishness or pride from my judgment, I will still feel discouraged when others put me down for my conviction, and I will be sorely tempted to the deepest despair or fiercest anger.

But if I follow through with that response, how will my response be any different from theirs?

People aren’t just bad in the biggest and most obvious ways, but are far more often nasty and brutish in the smallest and subtlest of ways. What stings me the most, for example, is being dismissed and ignored, not being slandered and assaulted. Show me an enemy I can fight fairly, I think to myself, not one who slices off little bits of me when I’m not really looking.

But there is no need for any of that. That way lies only my own doom. If I am committed to doing right and living well, then let me also clearly show love. Yes, even to those who snipe away, who gossip behind my back, who treat me like human garbage. Scratch that: especially to those people.

There will nothing of worth within myself if I cannot treat others with worth. If I don’t like how deeply the insult wounds me, I should cease to be insulting. If I don’t like being cast aside, I should cease to cast aside. I should not be ashamed, as I have been so often, to proudly proclaim that old hippie mantra: love is the law.

I may well feel the hurt, but that hurt does not need to become resentment. The former happens to me, and is a product of my passions, but the latter is something I choose, the product of my reason. There is no blame in pain, even as there is quite a bit of blame in frustration about pain.

Try asking people you know for help, even with the simplest of things, and notice how many of those who have the least will still give all of themselves, and many of those who have the most will give you absolutely nothing at all. This is because some people are quite enamored of the having, not of the offering.

This may make my blood boil, but I must be wary of that trigger. Tell me that you will not help me, and I must still, despite all of my doubts, do my best to help you.

I originally thought Winston Churchill said it, but apparently it was Victor Hugo. Either one would be a worthy source:

You have enemies? Why, it is the story of every man who has done a great deed or created a new idea. It is the cloud which thunders around everything that shines. Fame must have enemies, as light must have gnats. Do no bother yourself about it; disdain. Keep your mind serene as you keep your life clear.  

Written in 4/2009