Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11.15

How unsound and insincere is he who says, “I have determined to deal with you in a fair way!” What are you doing, man?

There is no occasion to give this notice. It will soon show itself by acts. The voice ought to be plainly written on the forehead. Such as a man's character is, he immediately shows it in his eyes, just as he who is beloved forthwith reads everything in the eyes of lovers.

The man who is honest and good ought to be exactly like a man who smells strong, so that the bystander, as soon as he comes near him, must smell whether he chooses or not.

But the affectation of simplicity is like a crooked stick. Nothing is more disgraceful than a wolfish friendship, a false friendship. Avoid this most of all. The good and simple and benevolent show all these things in the eyes, and there is no mistaking.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11.15 (tr Long)

One of my greatest obstacles has been overcoming an uncanny knack for trusting all the wrong sorts of people, and then finding myself laid low by my misguided commitment.

The first instinct, of course, is to blame others, but they will be what they are, for their own reasons, accountable to themselves. Any harm that came to me was really just the result of my own poor judgment, and the very fact that I was allowing the value of my own living to depend upon the thinking of others.

But can people ever really be trusted? Of course they can. The world is charged with decency and love; I just need to know where to look, and how to look.

I used to sit there, thinking there was some secret formula, but common sense will suffice, as soon as I understand the simple rule that any man is measured by what he actually does.

Used car salesmen get a bad rap, considering that most of the lawyers, doctors, bankers, academics, and politicians do much the same. They tell you one thing, but do something quite different. My mistake was always being impressed by the words, and failing to see the deeds.

If someone assures me, with all sorts of flowery rhetoric, that I should absolutely trust him, I am wise to be doubtful. The more he says, the more I should step back. Words are only as good as thoughts, and thoughts are only as good as actions. Start with the actions, and let the words be what they may.

Not a single word needs to be said at all to prove any degree of character. The kindest things ever done for me were always done without any dramatic monologues, or any demands to be recognized, or any promises at all.

So too, the few good things I have ever done were never advertised, were never demanding of anything in return, and were never part of any transaction.

If my own mind and heart are sincere, I will immediately recognize sincerity in others. I will see it, and I will feel it deep in my bones, because nothing is more apparent about anyone than the presence of true virtue. Once I know what it is, I can’t possibly miss it.

“Trust me, I’ll take care of you!” Say it if you must, but I will only believe you when you show me. Remember, I am completely capable of seeing right through you; you can’t really hide your soul from me.

Written in 5/2009