Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11.14

Men despise one another and flatter one another; and men wish to raise themselves above one another, and crouch before one another.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11.14 (tr Long)

We see it all of the time, but surely we must wonder why the people who want to bring us down seem so happy to raise us up, and why the people who desire to have power over us appear so keen to grovel before us?

Precisely, I suggest, because the latter tempts us as a quite clever and effective means for achieving the former. We tell others how influential they are, so that we may win influence over them. Of course we don’t like them at all, because we see them only as a means to serve ourselves, though we very much want them to think that we like them. There is the perfect image, the reality be damned.

These are the games we play. We say it is a noble exercise in friendship, collegiality, and professionalism, but it is really just a complex set of smoke and mirrors. You don’t believe me? Consider what happens when you are of no more use to someone else, and see where that will find you.

Again, I don’t think Marcus Aurelius points out these weaknesses of human nature in order to make us despair, or to tell us that life is not worth living. Quite the contrary, he shows us how the abuse of our reason and will should be a warning, pointing us right back to the true excellence of reason and will.

Many people will hate me, and many people will manipulate me, and many people will drop me as soon as I am inconvenient. This is how they have chosen to live, but I must not choose to live in the same manner. For all the spite in this world, there is also much love. Let me embrace the right things, even if others do not do so.

Will flattery get me anywhere? Yes, but only if I am headed in entirely the wrong direction. The flatterer is an abuser, and therefore reveals himself as someone who does not respect you for your own sake. He thinks of you as a vehicle for his own satisfaction.

I am quite wary of fawning praise, having seen so often that it can easily become a way to make me into another tool. Remember: the people who seem the kindest are often the most harmful.

How can I possibly tell the difference between scheming and sincerity? I would often be quite confused, but the answer is fairly simple. Are the fine words matched by fine actions? Is there too much saying, but not enough doing? Are there seductive promises, but no deeds to back it up? It usually becomes totally clear in no time at all.

In my best Epictetus: “The fact that you sigh and pander, speaking nobly but living poorly, shows me that you are not powerful at all; you are a slave.” 

Written in 5/2009