Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.37

Accustom yourself as much as possible, on the occasion of anything being done by any person, to inquire with yourself: for what object is this man doing this?

But begin with yourself, and examine yourself first.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.37 (tr Long)

When I see what has been done, I will too often allow myself to be swept away by disappointment, rage, or despair. When I consider, however, why it was done, or under what sort of circumstances it came to be, it can suddenly become quite manageable. To comprehend something is not necessarily to excuse it, but to see it in its rightful place.

Has anyone ever told you how important you are, how you will always be loved without condition, or how nothing can stand in the way of your friendship? And have you then, perhaps at only a moment’s notice, not even been given the time of day?

Yes, that will hurt most mightily. There is no point in denying the effect emotions can have upon us, but it is far more helpful to remember the power we have over our own judgments.

For what reasons did people say and do these things? Somehow, they saw them as good. Ignorance calls for compassion, not for hatred, for the other and for the self. Have you and I ever been helped by being dismissed for our mistakes, or have we perhaps been helped by being understood?

Under the pressure of what situations did people say and do such things? They were so moved by whatever happened that they allowed what happened to determine them. Have you and I not done the same thing, many times, and our own regret has been the greatest punishment?

As much as my passions may push against me, and as much as I might like to spit my venom, I am not “made” to think and act in one way or another. I form my own thinking and doing, with each conscious decision that I make.

Paying attention to motives and the conditions of the moment allows me to draw my focus away from what has been done to me, and toward what I will do. Am I myself really all that different from the other? Looking to the inside will make the outside not seem so hard and cold.

I will often justify myself by saying that I was troubled at the time, or that I was overwhelmed by so much at the time. Again, an explanation is not a substitute for responsibility, but it reveals the intention, and it makes clear the weight of the struggle.

This can encourage me to forgive others, and it can encourage me to first and foremost improve myself. So often, just a few minutes of silent introspection is the cure. 

Written in 3/2009