Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.32

Let it not be in any man's power to say truly of you that you are not simple or that you are not good, but let him be a liar whoever shall think anything of this kind about you; and this is altogether in your power.

For who is he that shall hinder you from being good and simple? Do you only determine to live no longer unless you shall be such. For neither does reason allow you to live, if you are not such.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.32 (tr Long)

We find it so easy to condemn others, even as we find it so hard to be condemned by others. We feel powerful when we dismiss, and we feel weak when we are dismissed. Malice is gratifying when given, though quite agonizing when received.

It is helpful to remember that we should hardly wish to treat others as we would not wish to be treated, and on another level it is also helpful to remember that the pain we inflict when we denounce, and the pain we suffer when we are denounced, are both symptoms of a flawed sense of human merit.

I do not make another better or worse at all by what I think and say of him, and another does make me better or worse at all by what he thinks and says of me. Both of us are better or worse by the virtue and vice within us, not from any estimation outside of us.

I only mistakenly think that my judgments can hurt my neighbor, or that my neighbor’s judgments can hurt me, if I reduce the dignity and worth of people to mere appearances. We are really quite weak within ourselves when we feel the need to put others down in order to raise ourselves up. We are far better served by improving our own character, regardless of what others may think or say.

I have often let myself be laid low by the poor opinion of others, and this has been even harder when it has come from people I thought I could trust, or when an attack is aimed straight at my own sense of right and wrong. Still, I am the one who decides how well or how poorly I will choose to live. My own thinking is in charge here, not the thinking of another.

Let me listen to others, let me learn from others, and let me be open to the perspectives of others, but let me remain my own master. We should believe things because they are true, not assume that they are true just because they are believed. If I choose to follow a life that is simple and good, and if I do so with a sincere and informed conscience, then my actions will speak for themselves. How others may speak does not determine me, since who I am proceeds from me.

In my worse times, I have thought that my life is no longer worth living when others have cast me aside. In my better times, I have come to understand that only I can cast myself aside. My life is worth living as long as I can practice being decent and just, and I have only wasted my life when I have abandoned that measure of my humanity.

Written in 3/2009