Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.30

When you are offended at any man's fault, forthwith turn to yourself and reflect in what like manner you do err yourself; for example, in thinking that money is a good thing, or pleasure, or a bit of reputation, and the like.

For by attending to this you will quickly forget your anger, if this consideration also is added, that the man is compelled: for what else could he do? Or, if you are able, take away from him the compulsion.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.30 (tr Long)

One of the most rewarding aspects of struggling to practice Stoicism has been learning some compassion. This is, at least for me, a necessary component of Stoic living, because I cannot bring myself to say that I love Nature if I do not also love my neighbor. He is a very part of the whole, no less important than any other part.

I will still find myself itching for a fight when I see people brazenly doing wrong. I will sometimes fail to resist that longing, but I then know full well that I need to make right what I have done wrong. There, I think, is the key: let me look to my own failings before I lash out at those of others. I can certainly know that they do wrong, but this does not justify my own doing wrong. “Physician, heal yourself!”

Just the other day, I shared an idea with some colleagues, and one of them immediately dismissed it. “Well,” he said, “we all know that’s a load of nonsense, so let’s not waste our time on it.” He snickered and rolled his eyes. There was a wave of chuckling in the room. Oh, how my passions welled up inside me! How dare he treat me that way!

And in that brief moment before my Irish temper kicked in, I took a deep breath. Now how often have I also cast someone else aside, or rejected his thoughts and feelings, or treated him like garbage? Did I ever become any better when someone treated me poorly in return for my own mistakes?

“Forgive them, for they know not what they do!” That’s really what it’s all about. They think they are doing right, however mistaken they may be in their judgments. I have often been mistaken in my own judgments as well. I may see a big pile of money, for example, and long for it, but only because I believe that to be something desirable. We’ve all had that immediate feeling. We are moved by our own estimation.

So instead of dismissing others, let me correct my own estimation first. If it is at all possible, let me then help others to correct their own estimations as well. But let me begin with myself. What good comes from meeting ignorance with ignorance, hatred with hatred, or violence with violence?

Those mountains of cash, or the parades of honor, or the bundles of pleasure call to them, since that is all they know. If I know better, I will not throw away my own virtue to grow angry at their vices. 

Written in 3/2009