Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.29

Regularly, on the occasion of everything that you do, pause and ask yourself if death is a dreadful thing because it deprives you of this.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.29 (tr Long)

This is a mighty and powerful test. I challenge myself with it every day, and I offer it to others if they are willing to listen. I see it as working on two complementary levels, from the perspective of my own actions, and from the perspective of my own mortality.

What is it that I want, at any given moment? If I desire something later, or down the line, or as a long-term investment, it may well be something I very much prefer, but it will hardly be something that I need. I will only begin to think in terms of building up my life to something worthy when I assume that my life is dignified by gaining future pleasure, wealth, honor, or possessions.  

If, however, I am first concerned with living according to virtue, I require none of the leverage or planning. I can do that right now. No conditions are attached, and there are no entry fees. Nothing is required but my own informed choice, no bells and whistles. There is no need to look to the future, since the reward is immediate.

What is it that may happen to me, at any given moment? Everything I own could fall away, anyone I care for might reject me, and my very life itself could end in an instant. If tomorrow is hardly guaranteed, why can’t today be enough? If I am sacrificing my character now for a profit later, there will be neither character nor profit at all.

This hit me like a ton of bricks one day, when I realized I needed to do the right things, right now. I needed to make my peace with others, right now, and I needed to let those I loved know how much I loved them, right now. Some understood, but others just laughed and shook their heads. No matter. I did my bit.

Here’s my simple version:

Is what I am doing at this precise moment sufficient to make me a good man, and therefore a happy man?

If I were to die right here and now, would I still be a good man, and therefore a happy man?

If the answer to either question is negative, my life is quite out of balance.

“But surely I need to plan for my future, so I can get what I want!”

Well, that depends on what you really want. Your financial investments may not mature for many years, and your plans to get the corner office may take you some time, and plenty of scheming. Your current ability to practice justice and compassion, however, demands nothing beyond your immediate conviction.

Written in 3/2009