Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.25

He who flies from his master is a runaway; but the law is master, and he who breaks the law is a runaway.

And he also who is grieved, or angry, or afraid, is dissatisfied because something has been, or is, or shall be of the things which are appointed by Him who rules all things, and He is Law and assigns to every man what is fit.

He then who fears, or is grieved, or is angry is a runaway.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.25 (tr Long)

I remind myself every day that my happiness is found in how I choose to live, not in how others choose to live. Let me seek to love, and not demand to be loved. Let me make something happen, however small, and not be ruled by whatever happens, however big. Let me be measured by what I gave, not by what I received.

And still, my old habits will die hard. I will find myself slipping back into the old language, the old thinking, and the old resentments. I will see how hatefully, how selfishly, or just how carelessly others have acted, and I will feel like a victim. I will be overcome by despair, rage, and terror.

I am ashamed to admit that my frustration is really not the work of a decent man, but of a self-righteous man, one who expects the world to do what he wants. This is cowardice, not courage. When I lash out at others, I am not strong at all. I am weak. I cast blame, and I expect to be gratified.

My moral measure, my respect for law, is not a matter of just following this or that set of external rules. No, the law is something much deeper, the internal right and the wrong in the very nature of being human, itself a reflection of the law within all of Nature.

Whenever I begin to complain about the ways of the world, I am rejecting who I was made to be, in favor of what I demand should be done to me.

I am running away from myself, from my own responsibilities to myself to others, and I am ultimately blaming God, where I should only blame myself.

“I can’t believe in a God who allows people to suffer!”

Let me channel my best inner Epictetus: “Fool! You are allowed to suffer so that you may become better! Slave! You let the evil of others rule you, when you were made to be your own master!”

I once impishly tricked a whole class into thinking that was a real quote from the Enchiridion, and they threw pencils and balls of paper at me when they couldn’t find it anywhere in the text. Good times!

There are the times I need to treat myself with a greater gentleness, and then there are the times I need to slap myself quite firmly in the face. As soon as I let my fear, or my grief, or my anger get the better of me, I am a runaway.

My own mind only works rightly when it is in harmony with Mind. Allow it to occur as it is meant to occur, and please accept my own best actions to be my own best answer.

“I am shocked, offended, and outraged at your thinking!” I should stop saying that whenever I see something I do not prefer. I should fix myself, since that is my proper domain.

Written in 2/2009