Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.22

Either you live here and have already accustomed yourself to it, or you are going away, and this was your own will, or you are dying, and have discharged your duty.

But besides these things there is nothing. Be of good cheer, then.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.22 (tr Long)

Somewhere back in the 1980’s I recall being told, by certain important people, that how I lived should be determined by “where I was at”. Everything was relative, and should be measured by what was most gratifying and convenient at the time.

That phrase would drive my mother crazy, a symptom of what she called the “self-serving generation”. Friends? Sure, but only if they are helping me to be where I am at right now. Marriage? I’m getting all the sex I want, so that’s not where I am at right now. Children? A bit inconvenient for where I am at right now, but maybe later that could be fun. A fancy career? Yes, said most of my peers, that’s exactly where I am at right now!

I once introduced my mother to a free-spirited girl I fancied, and, with just enough of a hint of dry humor, she asked: “Now is my son just another plaything for you, or are you going to respect him? Or is that not where you’re at right now?” Ouch.

The young lady pouted indignantly, and dramatically tossed her long, curly black hair. “I love him!” She had me with the passionate eyes. A year later, I wasn’t even getting a Christmas card. Don’t you hate it when Mom’s right?

My mother’s doubts about a culture of immediate satisfaction would only frustrate me all the more. I insisted she was wrong, and that however much we all had to ultimately figure out, we would all somehow make it work.

She was quite right, however, not because people can’t learn and grow, but because some people don’t really want to become better. They only want their own instant pleasures, wherever they are at, right then and there. They are different people at different times, depending upon what tickles their fancy.

All of us will pass from childhood, to adulthood, and into old age. For all of the stages of our lives, all of the choices we will have to make, and all of the obstacles we will have to face, there are really only three proper moral “states” we can be in.

First, we have learned what it means to be truly human, and we are at peace with how we are living. We embrace temperance and justice. It’s about being here.

Second, we are faced with an overwhelming obstacle, and we are freely willing to offer ourselves for what is right. We embrace courage. It’s about going away.

Third, we are certain of our final end, and we are satisfied to die with dignity. We embrace the wisdom of acceptance. It’s about being done.

What all three of these share in common is a commitment to character. There is a time to be content with our virtue, a time when virtue reminds us it is right to sacrifice and surrender, and a time when we must face our mortality with that very same virtue. In spite of everything else, there are no other times, and no other conditions that matter.

Now consider the options provided by the “where I am at” crowd. Satisfaction now. Run and hide when it gets tough. Never think about how it may end.

The wise man understands, in all peace, who he really is, and when he must stand up, and when he must go down.

This is why a good man is also a happy man, complete within himself. This is furthermore why the bad man is also an anxious man, waiting only for the next moment, in constant fear and longing. He is not one thing through and through, but many things at many moments. 

Written in 2/2009