Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.13.2

. . . You have not forgotten, I suppose, that those who assume arrogant airs in bestowing their praise or blame on others are such as they are at bed and at board?

And you have not forgotten what they do, and what they avoid, and what they pursue, and how they steal and how they rob, not with hands and feet, but with their most valuable part, by means of which there is produced, when a man chooses, fidelity, modesty, truth, law, a good spirit of happiness?

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.13 (tr Long)

When another does what is wrong, I should be very careful not to let it encourage me to do what is wrong myself. When I see malice, or deception, or betrayal, let me meet all of that hatred with love. I can know with certainty that it is wrong, I can stand my ground firmly against it, but I never need to become it.

I remind myself that the shallow posturings, all the illusions people try to cast, reflect something far deeper about those who practice them. The conflicts in how they behave in public will betray who they truly are in private, and I would be foolish to expect that they are any different on the inside than they are on the outside.

Why am I so concerned about what a hater, a hypocrite, or a user might think of me? My only calling is to respond by not being the same.

Look at what people really want, and how they will cleverly go about getting what they want, and it can all become quite clear. The problem is not simply the abuse of their power, or fame, or wealth, but in the abuse of their very humanity.

We are not all given the same circumstances in this life, but we all given the same tools for living well within those circumstances. Some will squander those abilities, and some will nourish them.

A man is measured by the content of his inner character, not by the conditions of his outer appearances. Understanding what happiness really is allows me to estimate others rightly, and to choose for myself rightly.

I think of all the times I was told that this was how the game was played, that one had to break a few eggs to make an omelet, or that some had to lose so that I could win.

I think of all the people left behind so that others could get ahead. I think of all the pain suffered by one for the pleasure of another. I think of all the bullies telling all the victims they needed to get over it.

The evil wasn’t just in what was said or done, but in why it was said or done. It pointed straight to the darkened hearts and minds of those who decided that this was their way to live. They did not even grasp what “winning” and “losing” were to begin with.

Now will I permit my own heart and mind to be equally darkened? If I see another broken, will I also break myself? I will do myself no greater harm than when I judge myself by the same twisted standards they use to judge me. 

Written in 1/2009