Inquire of yourself, as soon as you wake from sleep, whether
it will make any difference to you if another does what is just and right.
It will make no difference.
—Marcus
Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.13 (tr
Long)
It is hardly
that the thoughts, words, or actions of others are unimportant or meaningless;
they certainly form the character of others, and they certainly play their particular
role in the order of all things working together.
The question,
however, is how I will choose to have them affect me in the forming of my own
character. They will only matter as much to me as I allow them to matter, and
whatever good or bad may come of them will depend ultimately on my own
estimation.
This seems
quite ridiculous if my mindset is built upon the assumption that I am defined
by my circumstances, and therefore that the good or bad that others do will
determine what is good or bad for me.
But a Stoic
mindset turns the tables. Starting with the premise that what completes a
rational nature is grounded in its own judgments and choices, I will then see
that the benefit or harm of any conditions will flow from what I decide to do
with the conditions.
Has another
acted with compassion and concern? This is an opportunity for me to practice
these same virtues. Has another acted with malice and contempt? This also is an
opportunity, now for me to practice the virtues that oppose his vices. Participate with what is right, or
stand up against what is wrong. The paths may be different, but my ultimate
destination can remain the same, the practice of good living.
The waking
moment is perhaps the best time to reflect upon this, before I become caught up
in all the hustle and bustle, and when I can still calmly make decisions for
the coming day.
If I look back
at my earlier mistakes, I will see that I am prone to responding to the
wrongdoings of others in one of two ways. Sometimes I sulk, treating myself as
a victim, and I feel sorry for myself. At other times I lash out, condemning
my perceived enemies, and I react with force and resentment. Neither of these
is necessary, and neither of them will do me, or others, any good at all.
When I remember
that my own life is not measured by what may or may not happen, but rather that
it is my own life that gives events their very measure, then I will not have to
face the coming day with fear or anxiety. It will be as it will be, and I
already have everything I need inside of me to make sense and find purpose
within what will be.
What another
man does will not make any difference. How I react to what another man does
will make all the difference.
Written in 1/2009
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