Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 9.40

Either the gods have no power or they have power. If, then, they have no power, why do you pray to them? But if they have power, why do you not pray for them to give you the faculty of not fearing any of the things that you fear, or of not desiring any of the things that you desire, or not being pained at anything, rather than pray that any of these things should not happen or happen?

 For certainly if they can cooperate with men, they can cooperate for these purposes. But perhaps you will say the gods have placed them in your power. Well, then, is it not better to use what is in your power like a free man than to desire in a slavish and abject way what is not in your power?

 And who has told you that the gods do not aid us, even in the things that are in our power? Begin, then, to pray for such things, and you will see.

One man prays thus: How shall I be able to lie with that woman? You should pray thus: How shall I not desire to lie with her?

Another prays thus: How shall I be released from this? Pray you: How shall I not desire to be released?

Another thus: How shall I not lose my little son? You thus: How shall I not be afraid to lose him?

In the end, turn your prayers this way, and see what comes.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 9.40 (tr Long)

I am sometimes quite wary of prayer, the most immediate reason being my own sense of pride. I confuse self-reliance with separation and isolation, failing to understand that ruling myself should always proceed in harmony and cooperation with everything and everyone around me, and especially with what is greater than me. Instead of making me weaker, having the courage to ask for assistance in improving myself can actually be a sign of great courage.

I also allow myself to be discouraged when I see the way many people use prayer, as a means for building their own influence over others. A decent man may tell me that he will pray for me, and I will feel grateful that he desires what is good for me, but a crooked man may tell me that he will pray for me, and I have only the distinct sense that he is looking down at me, showing me how much better he thinks he is.

A bit of clear judgment should, however, help me to discern the difference between a rightful use and a corrupted abuse. Notice, for example, how people will go about offering up prayers. Some ask for an increase in their circumstances, to be given greater power over the world around them. Others, however, will ask instead for the strength to bolster their virtues, to learn a greater power over themselves.

That difference tells us so much about what folks really care about, and how they see their own good in relationship to the good of the whole.

I try not to think of prayer as some magic formula, or as a fancy business transaction, but rather as a means for me to communicate more fully with the Divine, and thereby to understand my place more completely. Prayer can involve speaking, but it requires even more of listening. Prayer can involve asking, but it requires even more of embracing acceptance. It is less about fitting the world to my desires, but about fitting my desires to the world.

If the Divine, however we may understand it or express it, is truly the source, center, and measure of all things, building our relationship with the Divine is hardly a wasted effort. For me, it becomes most critical to consider how that bond should be strengthened. Will it make me better and happier if the external conditions of my life are more convenient, or will it make me better and happier if I can face any and all external conditions with more character? The Stoic, and I also think most any man who seeks holiness, knows the answer right away.

It is better to ask for help in conquering my own fear, than to ask that the things I fear be swept away.

It is better to ask for help in mastering my own passions, than to ask that any temptations disappear.

It is better to ask for help in transforming my own suffering, than to ask for suffering to be removed.

While the former will always allow me more of a chance to be a brave and good man, the latter will only encourage me to be a weak and slavish man. If I want God’s help in being happy, it is best to ask Him to help me to reform myself, not to become lazy or entitled.

I used to resent it when my family told me that “God helps those who help themselves.” I am far more grateful for the advice now.

If I am convinced I already have the power within me to go the distance, then let me pray by being grateful for having received it. If I recognize that I require more conviction and courage, then let me pray that it be increased, knowing that the seed within me must only be cultivated.

If all is One, joined together and ruled by Providence, prayers are not in vain; my own reason and will are simply seeking to fulfill themselves, strengthening the power of their nature through the power of all of Nature.

It only began to make a difference for me, in quite a concrete way, when my practice of prayer was not about changing God or about changing the world, but about changing myself.

Written in 12/2008

IMAGE: Nicolaes Maes, Old Woman at Prayer (c. 1656)