Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 9.38

If a man has done wrong, the harm is his own.

But perhaps he has not done wrong.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 9.38 (tr Long)

The first statement is classic Stoicism. The second statement is Stoicism in its sharpest form. It is one thing to understand that the wrongs of another can do me no harm, but it goes even further to admit that perhaps there was never a wrong to begin with.

If I have felt hurt, my first assumption is that someone has hurt me. No, I have only hurt myself, while the actions of another have darkened his own character. Our thoughts and deeds reflect back onto ourselves, for good or for ill.

Still, I will be tempted to cast blame. This relieves me of responsibility, and allows me to harbor a resentment to justify my indignation and outrage. I assume that if evil was done to me, I am now permitted to do evil in return, and so we continue in the cycle of hatred for hatred.

Yes, a terrible injustice may have been committed, my possessions taken, or my reputation ruined, or my body crippled. Still, my own judgment will determine how I allow any of this to affect me. The evil begins in another man’s heart and mind, and he wishes to cast it upon me as well. Yet if I simply hold up my hand and do not allow it to enter my own heart and mind, the evil stays with him.

Allow me to also consider the power of my own estimation at a deeper level than that. I am the one in control of the damage done to my soul by an offense. Am I not also the one in control of discerning if there even was an offense at all?

How often have I hastily judged that someone has acted with malice, or is out to get me, or has wished to do me some harm? And how often has that perception actually been completely false, a result only of my own imagination, a foolish assumption that says nothing about what is wrong with another, and everything about what is wrong with me?

It is easy to rush to a conclusion, and to let my doubts about my own motives lead to my questioning the motives of others. I am still allowing my impressions to rule me instead of ruling myself.

By all means, let me bear any wrongdoing by another with dignity and charity. Let me also be careful never to think there even was any wrongdoing where it did not exist. It is a noble thing to be the better man, and nobler still not to presume that another is the worse man.

Written in 12/2008

IMAGE: "You bad man! You very very bad man!"