Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 9.35

Loss is nothing else than change.

But the Universal Nature delights in change, and in obedience to her all things are now done well, and from eternity have been in like form, and will be such to time without end.

What, then, do you say—that all things have been and all things always will be bad, and that no power has ever been found in so many gods to rectify these things, but the world has been condemned to be bound in never ceasing evil?

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 9.35 (tr Long)

Well yes, I have sadly said exactly that to myself more times than I can count: the world is a mess, everything dies, and the only necessary thing is to accept misery.

And why did I say that, over and over? Because I wanted to surrender, because it seemed the easier choice to fall down than to stand up, because I preferred blaming others to taking a real responsibility for myself.

The world will only seem bad when we see it backwards, when we confuse what we can give with what has been given, when we replace life as a calling with life as an entitlement. Will things happen to us that hurt? Yes, of course. Will they not, however, always, without a single exception, also give us the opportunity to live with virtue and with love?

Each and every situation I have ever encountered asked me to live well, even when I denied it.

It will only appear to be “bad” or “evil” when the very function of a free and rational animal is reduced to that of a mindless beast, ruled by gratification. It is natural for sheep to be sheep, but not for men to be sheep.

“But people do terrible things!” Yes, now you yourself can do wonderful things.

“But others do not treat me fairly!” Yes, now you yourself have the gift of being fair.

“But there is death, and there is suffering, and there is loss!” Yes, there is change all around us, but you have it within your power to make your own change, for the short time that you live, to be an expression of your own compassion and concern.

Absolutely nothing is taken from us when the world changes around us, since we can consistently maintain an attitude driven by conscience and character while we still live.

This may not be character of the sweeping and epic sort, but it never needs to be; a humble and unassuming variety will do just fine. True heroes don’t necessarily change everything around them, even as they have the power to change themselves to the core.

There are many things I may think I have lost over the years. I may think I lost the dearest friendship, or I may think I lost a child, or I may think I lost the opportunities for being important, rich, and admired. Lately, I tend to worry that I will lose my very life before it’s rightful time. None of that was ever lost, or ever will be, because it was never mine to begin with.

My challenge to myself, which I will often resist with much kicking and screaming, is to recognize that nothing that is good for me can be taken away. I will only comprehend this when I in turn accept myself as a creature of action, not merely one of passion.

I will probably not win by playing the game of circumstances, even as I will always win by following the calling of virtue. That is true for each and every one of us. There is no failure, or evil, we do not choose for ourselves.

Nature works as it does for a very good reason, and it is my task to discover this instead of throwing a tantrum. I choose to trust in Providence.

A change is never an injustice; a change is an expression of growth and of transformation. Of course all these things end, but I decide who I will be in the face of those endings.

Written in 1/2016