Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 9.18

Penetrate inwards into men's leading principles, and you will see what judges you are afraid of, and what kind of judges they are of themselves.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 9.18 (tr Long)

Most of the grief I have brought upon myself was the result of my own poor judgment of character. I have been enamored of good looks, mesmerized by class and style, impressed by bookish learning, and amused by wit and charm. As it turns out, I wasn’t judging by character at all.

I can perform a little thought experiment on myself, asking whether what I admire is about who a person truly is on the inside, as opposed to how they choose to appear on the outside. I will still surprise myself by how shallow and gullible I can be.

What am I really so taken in by? Why am I seeking the blessings and approval of certain sorts of people? Am I not actually allowing myself to be intimated by impressions?

Look beneath the surface. Words should match actions. Actions should proceed from convictions. Convictions should be built upon right principles. It only takes an observant attitude and a bit of patience to discern who loves the good, and who loves seeming good. If I pay attention, I will begin to learn about what people truly care about, what informs their judgments, and what motivates their deeds.

The user, the player, and the hypocrite will reveal themselves to me simply by they way they choose to live in the simplest matters; it doesn’t even take some earth-shattering situation to make this clear. I can strip away the trappings to apprehend the real properties.

Informed in this manner, I no longer need to be confused about who I should trust and revere.

If a man’s judgment shows itself to be sound, and he puts his money where his mouth is, I have found someone worthy of considering a friend. He can be an example and an encouragement for me; I, in turn, can be confident that it is right to support him in his endeavors.

If, however, I see that his priorities are misguided, and he talks the talk without walking the walk, I am well advised to view his decisions with suspicion. I owe him the decency, compassion, and concern I owe all my fellows, but I do not need to respect his values. I am called to love him, but I am not called to follow him.

Accordingly I do not need to be influenced by how he judges me, since he is sadly incapable of judging himself. Observe how many people try to stand over us, manipulate our thinking, and increase their importance in our eyes. They operate through fear and power, and by doing so have already disqualified themselves from being worthy of our esteem.

Written in 10/2008