Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.61

Men exist for the sake of one another. Teach them then, or bear with them.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8 (tr Long)

I hear much about how we must all work together, about the importance of building community, about sharing both our burdens and our benefits in common.

Some people will mean this from the very bottom of their hearts, and when they prove this through the way they decide to live, they will earn my undying respect.

Some will merely mouth the words, and then dismiss others or manipulate others, and when they reveal this through the way they decide to live, I will find myself tempted to despair and rage.

When I succumb to that temptation, I twist myself into exactly what I claim to oppose. When I see difference, either of principle or of preference, I lash out in rejection and anger. When I see someone who I think has done wrong, I only make myself wrong in response. I should be very careful about what I condemn and cast aside, since the act of condemning and casting aside is itself a denial of unity in purpose.

There came a point, slowly but surely, where I saw that I had done enough evil in an ignorant defense of what was good. It really isn’t that difficult to understand, and then to choose to live, in a way that sees conflict as an opportunity for peace, and hatred as an occasion for love.

I once cared for someone so deeply, beyond any mere words I could express, that when I found only dishonesty and disloyalty, I would be consumed by resentment, and obsessed with blame. There comes a time when that must all be let go, because no act of vice is ever improved by compounding it with any further vice.

Ah, the blame game! You have hurt me, so I will now hurt you. In all of it, whatever anyone else might do, I have dodged my own responsibility. Have you chosen to be my enemy? Let me continue to be your friend, whether you accept it or not. As always with Stoic thinking and practice, I must attend to what I should do, and not what others may do.

Sharing in the same nature, created to know and to love what is true and good, we are all made for the same end. You may deny it, and I may deny it in return, but our stubbornness only reveals our vanity.

We must all pay the price for what we do, and Providence will always make absolutely certain of that. But why must the price to be paid, however great, involve only suffering and loss? Justice, in whatever form it takes, should seek to improve, and never destroy. To do right by and for people is to help them, not to harm them.

However great the struggle, let us help one another to become better. Let us support one another and teach one another about right and wrong; if someone doesn’t want to learn, let our love take on the form of tolerance and compassion.

Written in 6/2008