Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.58

To my own free will, the free will of my neighbor is just as indifferent as his poor breath and flesh.

For though we are made especially for the sake of one another, still the ruling power of each of us has its own office, for otherwise my neighbor's wickedness would be my harm, which God has not willed, in order that my unhappiness may not depend on another.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8 (tr Long)

Sharing in the same rational nature, we are indeed made to cooperate, to work with and for one another, to participate together in what is good. Yet cooperation should never to be confused with dominance, and I am not made to be the master over someone else’s judgment, just as he is not made to be the master over my judgment.

Think of how often we will insist on trying to violently rule others according to our own wills, and consider also how much suffering and grief we bring onto ourselves by doing so.

If another knows better than I do, and is able to live better than I do, let him assist me, and let him advise me, and let him guide me by his own example. If I were one day to find myself wiser or more virtuous than another, I would be called to do exactly the same. Force and coercion will only hinder a man on the outside, but will not help him to improve himself on the inside.

I must remember, of course, that being indifferent to the choice of another, as with any circumstance beyond myself, isn’t about not caring. It means rather that whatever anything may be in and of itself, it is only good or bad for me according to what I make of it to improve my own character.

I should most certainly want my fellows to live well, and to thereby be happy, as I would hope they would also want for me; I cannot do that for them, and they cannot do that for me.

How often have we heard people say that they can’t be happy without someone else doing this or that, or that they must work ceaselessly to “make” someone else happy?

As disturbing as it may seem, no one else ever makes anyone else better. No one else ever makes anyone else happier. No one else ever saves any other man. We might be an opportunity to be of help to others, but we are never the agents. Only an individual choice, deep within the self, can ever do that.

“But I will make him change!” No, you won’t. Only he can change himself. Walk with him, hold his hand, and encourage him as best you can, but you will not change him. That is up to him.

We propose all sorts of forms of government, suggesting democracy, aristocracy, or monarchy. Let us indeed ask ourselves what sort of circumstances can assist us in life, and let us debate the good and bad in each. What sort of an organization will help all of us, each and every one of us, to exist more fully?

In the end, however, we are all of us, each and every one of us, kings and queens of our own domains. It doesn’t take titles, or lands, or wealth. It requires only rule over oneself.

There are as many monarchs in this Universe as there are creatures of reason and choice. Some will be tyrants, and some will be bringers of peace. That is all up to them.

Behind all of it, there is only one Supreme Monarch, who in infinite wisdom allows us to make our own way, for better or for worse.

Written in 6/2008