Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.48

If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now.

But if anything in your own disposition gives you pain, who hinders you from correcting your opinion? And even if you are pained because you are not doing some particular thing that seems to you to be right, why do you not rather act than complain?

“But some insuperable obstacle is in the way!”

Do not be grieved then, for the cause of its not being done depends not on you.

“But it is not worthwhile to live, if this cannot be done!”

Take your departure then from life contentedly, just as one who dies in full activity, and well pleased too with the things that are obstacles.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8 (tr Long)

The Stoic claim that it is within our power to modify our feelings by modifying our judgments may seem quite absurd, especially when we are so accustomed to defining ourselves as creatures dominated by passion. But we need not appeal only to some noble theory here, as the proof is in the pudding. I must only observe that the degree of how much I choose to value something in my thinking will determine the degree to which I am affected by a feeling.

If I don’t like cake, I won’t be angered when someone takes the last slice. If I’m into bird watching, I will get quite excited when I spot an ivory-billed woodpecker.

I once knew a fellow who was hopelessly enamored of a girl we knew. He would do anything he could to win her attention, and tried again and again to make her jealous by flirting with other women. The object of his affections wouldn’t bite, however, and the reason was quite clear to all of us, thought it was hardly clear to him: what he thought and did were not all that important in her estimation, and so she hardly felt jealous about someone she didn’t consider seriously. How she felt about him was in direct proportion to what she thought about him.

I will only feel loss for something I think is valuable to me, and I will only feel desire for something I think I need. Alter the judgment about what I believe to be worth possessing, and I will alter the power of my want.

Now I never think of this as being something as simple as turning feelings on and off, but rather a matter of directing or giving meaning and purpose to how I feel. Both the mind and the emotions can be complex, subtle, and mysterious, and it will take focus and care to understand their ways.

A pain in my body, arising from injury or disease, or a pleasure in my passions, arising from my deepest instincts, may not be in my power to somehow stop and start. But it is within my power to understand them, to put them in their place, to control my reactions to them. I often think of this as the art of tempering how I feel.

It will indeed often seem like something is blocking my way from contentment and serenity, but I must simply ask myself if what I am doing, or what I am leaving undone, is itself the obstacle. If so, I am more than able to remove it by my own decision. If not, I should not allow what I cannot determine to trouble me.

Is the weight of circumstances actually too much to bear? Then all that remains is for them to destroy me, and even there I am more than able to bear the end with courage and dignity. Even on my deathbed, or swallowed up by a broken heart, I remain my own master.

Do I find myself feeling discouraged because I am poor? Then I can stop thinking that being rich is itself a worthy thing. Do I find myself distracted by lust? Then I can assure myself that I am a man and not an animal. Do I find myself saddened because I am not loved? Then I can start remembering that giving love is greater than receiving it. The thinking will moderate the feeling.

The last ivory-billed woodpecker has probably already passed away, but I’d like to think he did so completely content with himself. I should want no less for myself. 

Written in 5/2008