Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.74

When you have done a good act and another has received it, why do you look for a third thing besides these, as fools do, either to have the reputation of having done a good act or to obtain a return?

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 7 (tr Long)

Some people will tell me that all actions should be completely selfless, where we get no benefit from them at all, and others will tell me what seems to be the total opposite, that no actions can ever be selfless, because we will only do what benefits us. I suspect part of the confusion comes from what we even mean by a benefit for ourselves or for others.

As is so often the case in life, we easily assume contradictions where none need be present. I remember a classic false dichotomy from logic class, “Did you walk to school or bring your lunch?” One doesn’t necessarily exclude the other, of course, and that also goes for helping others and helping ourselves as well.

When I have done something good for another, I have helped him to live well. In doing so, I have also helped myself to live well. If the good in human life is measured by virtue, there is no reason that all of our actions, both in what is offered and in what is received, can be good for us. If man is rational, and therefore also social, by nature, he can consciously and freely share all his benefits.

As soon as people have a different idea of what benefits are, however, the situation can easily change. If a benefit involves gaining wealth, or power, or honor, then this may well conflict with the circumstances of others, and with both our own virtue and the virtue of others. The conflict will only arise from a confused sense of the good.

I will surely only be selfish when I demand something beyond the good of my nature, or when I demand something at the expense of another; there is no shame in the reward of being good and giving of that good.

I run into a problem when I am still looking for more and more, since I am not yet happy with the act of living well for it’s own sake. I am ignorant of the happiness to be found within me, so I seek it in other things, believing that I must take them from others.

Where there is no moral worth in my own thoughts and deeds, I seek worth in possessions. Where I lack control over my own character, I seek to exercise control over others. Where I cannot be content with a respect for myself, I seek to acquire respect from others.

But why should I even want these sorts of perks? They are only weak substitutions for the real thing. The benefit was already there simply by doing what was good, and it was a double blessing when another could also make good of it. No more is required.

It becomes so much easier to love, to see it as an opportunity instead of a burden, when I understand that love is its own reward. 

Written in 1/2008