Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.62

The art of life is more like the wrestler's art than the dancer's, in respect of this, that it should stand ready and firm to meet onsets that are sudden and unexpected.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 7 (tr Long)

I have spent too much of my life thinking that all of the obstacles, from the smallest inconveniences to the most crippling of burdens, have an annoying way of showing up when I would least want them. At first, I find this unfair, and I wonder why Providence seems to make it harder when it should all be easier.

“Look at her!” I say to myself, “Never as much as a hangnail to get in the way!”

“Look at him!” I say to myself, “Always finding the profitable way out, and the rest of us sit in the dirt!”

I am, however, my own problem here, because I am confusing the proper sense of benefit and harm. A good life is never a life of ease and comfort. A good life is one of conviction and character. The reward is in the doing, not in the receiving.

Perhaps I can learn to appreciate jarring and unwanted bumps in the road. Perhaps Providence has actually done me a favor by presenting a challenge. What will become of me if I rely on convenient circumstances? I will end up lazy, entitled, and bloated with all that I have consumed.

I share in intelligence, but I am not the sum of all Intelligence. If it has happened, I can trust that it is right, even as I cannot see all ends. It was given to me for a reason, and it is my job to discover the worth within it, and to unearth the beauty and joy underneath it all.

Don’t always give me what I might want, in whatever moment of passion, but always give me what I need, so that I might become better.

He who dances, for all of his glory, follows his own routine, and with grace and skill is the master of his own motions. He who wrestles does much the same, while also being prepared for the attack he could not have predicted. He is ready, prepared for whatever may come, however much of a surprise it may seem. He stands firm, knowing that he must be on his guard for something unknown.

So while I complain about the frustrations of circumstance, or the scheming of my enemies, I should rather be grateful. It isn’t a frustration at all, and he isn’t an enemy at all. All of it is an opportunity, not to conquer the world, but to conquer myself.

Written in 1/2008