Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.28

Retire into yourself. The rational principle that rules has this nature, that it is content with itself when it does what is just, and so secures tranquility.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 7 (tr Long)

I do not understand retiring into myself as an act of running away from the world, or isolating myself, or giving others the cold shoulder. As a rational animal I am also a social animal, and I am called to be involved with my fellows, to live with them and not be removed from them. I can hardly practice justice if I have no one to treat justly.

No, a retirement of this sort is not a separation, but rather a source of true independence to make genuine engagement possible. It means, in the classic Stoic sense, that my happiness should never rely on what happens to me, but upon what I do; not upon what I receive, but upon what I give; not upon the thinking of others, but upon my own thinking.

My life is sufficient and satisfied when I can, with humility and sincerity, know that I have acted from my own good judgment. This is all that my nature requires of me, and it is the key to happiness. People will come and go, circumstances will change, and my fortune may rise or fall, but I can always count on my own commitment. Here is peace, because I can be content within myself.

Building upon such a foundation, I can now act with character, pursue what is right and just, and love others as they rightly deserve, but without any reliance on how the world treats me in return. Any condition can be of benefit, since the good and the bad within it will only proceed from my own estimation. Of course things may hurt, or pull at my desires, or appear frightful, or tempt me to anger; still, it is I what do with these situations and feelings that will make all the difference.

It has been the most painful aspect of my life, being told that I am not worthwhile, that has also been the most helpful aspect of my life. Providence has a wonderful way of working like that. It has allowed me to learn that my value depends on my loving, not on being loved. I will certainly prefer to add the latter, even as I only require the former. It is already more than enough.

I can be confident and completely at ease when I ask simply to make the best of what has already been given to me, the exercise of my own thoughts and deeds. I will be uncertain and quite anxious when I depend upon anything more than that.

Written in 11/2007