Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.16

The ruling faculty does not disturb itself.

I mean, it does not frighten itself or cause itself pain. But if any one else can frighten or pain it, let him do so. For the faculty itself will not by its own opinion turn itself into such ways.

Let the body itself take care, if it can, that is suffer nothing, and let it speak, if it suffers. But the soul itself, that which is subject to fear and to pain, which has completely the power of forming an opinion about these things, will suffer nothing, for it will never deviate into such a judgment.

The leading principle in itself wants nothing, unless it makes a want for itself, and therefore it is both free from perturbation and unimpeded, if it does not disturb and impede itself.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 7 (tr Long)

I have read about and heard about all sorts of different philosophical accounts on what makes us human, and about what defines awareness, and about how we can explain the nature of choice. All of those classroom years, and all of that time spent with the most fancy of scholars, were not entirely wasted.

Some of the books and teachers told me that I was a creature of pure reason, intended only for the most abstract and purest of contemplation. Those were usually the Kantians, or Hegelians, or quite often also the stuffiest of Thomists. I was a mind, made to ponder. I was to ignore all of the rest.

Others told me I was a creature of passion, motivated by my drive to be gratified, to possess, or to conquer. On the milder end were the Utilitarians and Humeans, on the harsher end were the Nietzscheans. I was a powerful piece of desire. I was to ignore all of the rest.

I was especially fascinated by those who told me I had no identity at all, and that I had to make up my own sense of self. Thank you to all of those Existentialists and Phenomenologists. Life has no inherent meaning, they told me, so we create it. I was to ignore all of the rest.

I know this will get me in trouble, but they were all right, and they were also all wrong. Yes, a man is made to think. Yes, a man is made to feel. Yes, a man is even made to form himself. Yet he is none of these things on their own. He is all of them, all joined together, but only in the right and proper order. You cannot cut a man into pieces, or dissect him, and only examine one of the bits on your table. You must look at the whole, as he is living, breathing, and doing.

Welcome to Stoicism, a philosophy of practical living, not only of abstract reflection, which considers the relationship of these layers, from the exterior to the interior, from the lesser to the greater.

Yes, I am thrown into a world, and I am born with no sense of myself. It is something I must find.

Yes, I am gifted with powerful emotions, and I learn that they drive me this way and that.

Yes, through it all, I realize that I have a mind, not merely to consider abstractions, but to make the most concrete of judgments and choices.

I need to make those choices each and every day, and they are not just about fancy ideals. They are about the most immediate needs. I want this, and I want it now. Should I have it? Why, or why not? What might make it worth my time?

Look what I have just realized, and how truly wonderful it is.

I am confused by my situation, and I have strong emotions about it all. What happens to me is beyond my power. I feel that I would like to make it all mine, but I cannot do so. Now what remains for me?

I do not make the world as it is, and I do not make my passions as they are. They are both an essential part of what forms me, but they do not define all of me. I am more than what happens, and I am more than what I feel.

Good grief, I am, at my core, within all of those other layers, what I think. What a realization, both frightening and liberating. My thinking doesn’t make the world to be what it is, but it makes the world to be what I will make of it.

Let me observe all of the ways that the world can act upon me. Now let me observe all of the ways that I can act upon the world. There is only one difference, and only one, between those two factors. My own judgment, and my own choice.

Look at all the ways that you can influence me, or change me, or force me. Now look at the one way that you can’t. I will only commit or submit if I so think, or if I so choose. It is only my estimation that is immovable. That is the essence of tranquility.

Written in 10/2007

IMAGE: Apollo 11, Tranquility Base, 1969