Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.52

Accustom yourself to attend carefully to what is said by another, and as much as it is possible, be in the speaker's mind.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 6 (tr Long)

I know immediately that I am listening in bad faith when I am simply letting someone speak, in the expectation that I can then speak my own mind when he is finally done. If I’m drawn to being especially self-serving, I may even interrupt him, or at least be certain to absolutely have the last word.

So many of our conversations are hardly even conversations. They are what I can only describe as mutual monologues. Like so many bad logical arguments, the start with our conclusions instead of ending with them, they deliberately distort the meaning of shared terms, and they change the subject whenever possible. Perhaps worst of all, they are prone to bringing people down, instead of raising people up.

Listening is not an easy task, because I need to remember that it isn’t only about my thoughts, about my mood, or about my own sense of importance. As a rational creature it is my duty to understand, and as a social creature it is my duty to express compassion and concern. What a wonderful chance I have to practice these virtues, when another asks me to listen to what he has to say.

Many years of teaching showed me that most every class, like most every group as a whole, will have at least one person who likes to object to anything and everything. A professional meeting is usually no different. I would have to prepare myself for the inevitable interjection of “Yes, but—“, regardless of the topic, and regardless of the perspective being addressed.

On my worse days I would consider it an annoyance, but on my better days I would try to view it as an opportunity. Instead of simply looking at it from my side, I could at least try to look at it from their side. What were these people actually trying to say, and why did they think it was important to say it? I might wonder about the soundness of their thinking, and I might question the integrity of their motives, but if I claimed to value the truth, then I could hardly offer any less than open ears and an open mind.

Minds are not meant to be cut off and separated into their own little boxes. A mind, by its very nature, is ordered toward other things, and especially toward other minds. Understanding seeks out what is true and good in a world we all share in common.

When I fail to listen, I fail to be aware of others for their own sake. When I fail to be aware of others, and I do not try to see things as they see them, I have also failed myself as a human being. I will have abandoned my own reason and concern as soon as I have cast aside their own reason and concern.

My own thinking can only be enriched when it accepts the thinking of others. I may not agree, and I may choose a different path, but I must first understand before I can either agree or choose.

Written in 7/2007