Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.51

It is in our power to have no opinion about a thing, and not to be disturbed in our soul.

For things themselves have no natural power to form our judgments.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 6 (tr Long)

My own disposition is a sensitive one, so I can easily become discouraged and disappointed by abuse, deception, or dismissal from people I would like to be able to trust.

Now sometimes I find myself blaming my own instincts, and sometimes I find myself blaming others for their vices. Neither path, however, will lead me to any peace. My passions will be as they are, and they have a way of working by their own patterns. The choices of others will be as they are, and they should never be confused with my own choices.

While I can’t usually determine how something will feel, and I can’t really determine what people will do, I most certainly can determine what I will make of those circumstances. I may have a feeling of pain, for example, when someone treats me poorly, but it will be my own judgment that informs the meaning I give to that feeling and to that action.

Whether I choose to use circumstances for my benefit, or choose to abuse them for my harm, or chose to disregard them entirely, will proceed only from my own estimation. My thinking is certainly not creating reality itself, but it is shaping how I will permit, or decide not to permit, that reality to affect me.

I should never think of any external event, or any impression that follows from an external event, as forcing me to consider it in one way or in another. The mind is not passively moved about by objects, but is rather an active principle that forms a conscious awareness of those objects. I can react in my own way, based upon my own judgment, and there is the good and the bad in it relative to me.

There is a liberation from the burden of conditions here, an embrace of true freedom in the face of outside forces. When I get angry at how I feel, or I resent what someone has done to me, I am doing nothing less than dodging my own responsibility for my own happiness. Blame can be so easy, because there is always an excuse. Accountability can be tough, because I need to be strong enough not to need excuses.

I need to avoid thinking that something is inherently good because it is attractive, pleasant, or convenient. I likewise need to avoid thinking that something is inherently bad because it is drab, painful, or difficult. The good or the bad in it for me will come only from the place, the meaning, and the importance I decide to give it.

Written in 7/2007