Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.6

The best way of avenging yourself is not to become like the wrongdoer.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 6 (tr Long)

There are many Stoic thoughts and expressions that stick to me like glue, day in and day out, but this one is consistently the most helpful whenever I feel anger.

I have felt hurt, and my base inclination is to repay it in kind. It boils and bubbles under the surface. I become so caught up in my emotional turmoil that I completely lose sight of what is good and evil. Receiving pain, I then assume, requires causing pain, compounded with interest, and fueled by nothing but vengeance.

And all of this occurs only because I have falsely judged that gratification takes precedence over decency.

I am certain that Providence permits me to bear what is bad, only so that I may learn to live by what is good. After all, if something is harmful, I should not cast myself further into it. I should turn the other way.

A few years back, I received an odd message from a fellow I’d known while I was working in social services. He attached a lengthy series of e-mails, and explained in great detail how I should slyly forward this information to destroy the career of someone who had done me great harm in the past. He said he was doing me a favor.

The man was certainly clever, but hardly acting from good will. He put two and two together, and saw a means for promoting himself, without directly involving himself. A check on my part revealed that he was now working for the same state agency that his intended victim worked for. There was obviously much more to the story.

Yet, for a very brief moment, I felt that temptation of power over others. I pondered the sick satisfaction that would certainly come from causing intense suffering, years after I had suffered intensely. I actually considered agreeing to his plan.

I have done some terrible things in my life, and I have entertained twisted temptations. This was, I suddenly realized, the worst of the bunch, and if I allowed myself to succumb to the offer, I would then be a monster who passes all understanding. I would become everything I hated. How could there be any turning back after that?

That smoking gun is surely still out there. Reading those e-mails all the way through made me feel quite sick. Nothing could have been worse, however, than my meeting greed with more greed, hatred with more hatred.

My Uncle Alois would always say, “They already have their reward!” Indeed they do, though it is a self-imposed punishment, and not a reward at all. Another may choose to destroy himself with anger and selfishness, but I can be better. Nature gives me that very chance, every time I feel slighted.

Love is the only answer in the face of hatred.

Written in 4/2012

IMAGE: Jakob Emanuel Gaisser, The Revenge (c. 1860)