Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.11

When you have been compelled by circumstances to be disturbed in a manner, quickly return to yourself and do not continue out of tune longer than the compulsion lasts; for you will have more mastery over the harmony by continually recurring to it.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 6 (tr Long)

I have often felt like I am being swept away by an emotion, or that I am being driven by it. Note, however, that I speak in the passive voice, as if this is only a question of my being acted upon. I forget that my passions do not need to rule me, and that they should rightly be ordered and given meaning by my judgments.

I will not be swept anywhere if I am firmly planted, and I will not be driven if I’m the one who is driving.

Feelings are important, and powerful, aspects of my humanity, and I am well advised not to ignore them, repress them, or think them unimportant. I am also well advised not to let them run away from me.

Any impression, from outside of me or inside of me, can tell me something valuable, if I only try to understand where it is coming from and what it represents. But in itself it is not good or bad, right or wrong. My estimation, my power to comprehend and decide, is what will provide it with meaning, and allow me to find purpose. A feeling will only have as much mastery over me as I am willing to give it.

Whenever I feel as if a passion is about to take control, I can certainly respect its force, while also remembering that I am bigger than it is. I am in charge. Whenever I have already allowed a passion to take control, there is no need to give up. I can return back as swiftly as possible to handling the reins.

The more often I can remember to do this, the better I will become, because both virtue and vice are formed through helpful or harmful habits. A man learns to rule himself through practice, just as a man learns to surrender himself through practice. There is no shame at all in having a feeling, only in judging and acting poorly about it. Even when I do fail in my response, it can still help me to move on to success.

My own temperament has always been markedly melancholic, and many years of bad thinking habits only magnified this. If I felt sadness, I would compound it by choosing to succumb to despair, and I would falsely assume that because I felt something very strongly, there was nothing else I could do.

Yet even as an emotion can be so intimidating, there is always something I can choose to do with it. Sometimes the feeling may pass, and sometimes it may stay right there, but its force can always be redirected. I can become stronger in this through exercise. I can thereby transform a feeling from being an appearance of conflict to being a tool for acting in harmony.

I will, after all, only learn to play an instrument well if I can keep it in tune. 

Written in 1/2007