Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.28

Are you angry with him whose armpits stink? Are you angry with him whose mouth smells foul? What good will this danger do you? He has such a mouth, he has such armpits. It is necessary that such an emanation must come from such things.

But the man has reason, it will be said, and he is able, if he takes pain, to discover wherein he offends. I wish you well of your discovery. Well then, and you have reason. By your rational faculty stir up his rational faculty; show him his error, admonish him. For if he listens, you will cure him, and there is no need of anger. Neither tragic actor nor whore. . . .

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 5 (tr Long)

Philosophy can hardly get more gritty and practical than this.

I will find myself distracted by negativity and petty criticisms from others, and then I must remind myself to not let my frustration itself become a form of negativity and petty criticism. It is easy to condemn and dismiss, difficult to understand and accept.

I am tempted to feel resentment over the smallest things in others, because I wish to ignore taking responsibility for myself. By expecting the world to give me the things that I assume are good, and sparing me from the things that I assume are bad, I will make dramatic complaints about what I consider indecent on the outside of me, while being rather indecent on the inside of me.

Do I find something offensive? I need to remember that nothing offends in and of itself, and I am the one who chooses to take such offense. It is much like boredom. Things aren’t boring, but I decide I am bored by them. Things will be as they are, according to their own natures, and my like or dislike of them is neither here nor there.

The man whose habits, or appearance, or odor disturb me has done me no wrong. I am only doing myself wrong by being angry, or rolling my eyes, or gritting my teeth, or making insulting comments behind his back.

But perhaps I am convinced he really does wrong. Doesn’t he know better? Perhaps, instead of showing him disrespect, I can help him to understand. We both possess the power of reason, and I can hardly expect him to exercise his reason if I will not exercise mine. As in the Apology, Socrates reminded the Athenians that they should educate an ignorant man, not harm him.

I must either accept a man for who he is, or I must help him to make himself better. Anything else is whining, or just more vice on my part.

For many years now, attendance at professional meetings has often been a trial for me. The speaker is usually talking down to me, and the people around me are usually making fun of the speaker. I find myself annoyed by it all, and feel that my time is being wasted. There can be quite a bit of posturing and dismissiveness all around.

Here is a perfect opportunity, however, to put simple Stoic values to the test, and to make something good of what I falsely assume is bad. Other people will have their own estimations, and my frustration is only within my estimation. This helps me to rule myself. If I am sure that a mistake is being made, then I can act and speak like a social animal, with respect, solidarity, and reason, not like a hyena, cackling and skulking about. Whenever I see something I don’t like, there is an opportunity to order my own thinking, or to assist another in ordering his own thinking.

Our social nature asks us to stand with people, not against them. 

Written in 7/2006