Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.24

Think of the Universal Substance, of which you have a very small portion; and of universal time, of which a short and indivisible interval has been assigned to you; and of that which is fixed by destiny, and how small a part of it you are.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 5 (tr Long)

Again, this isn’t about feeling insignificant because I’m small, but about finding my significance in what is big.

I can be both proud and humble when I understand my part within the whole. I become arrogant or insecure when I either reject the whole or reject my part. Who I am, and how I matter, will only make sense to me in the context of how everything works together. If I lose track of that measure, I will sway between thinking too much or too little of myself.

Yes, I am only a tiny bit of something so much bigger, a dab of paint on the canvas, a single thread in the tapestry. But what a true work of art I am a part of! The position of the self within the world is the only thing that can give meaning to the self.

When they first tried to teach me something about art history, I was quite taken with a painting by Piero della Francesca, The Flagellation of Christ. Three figures are gathered together in the foreground, seemingly oblivious to Jesus being scourged in the background. It made me think about what really was big and small in this life.

Now I have heard all sorts of theories about the artist’s intentions, about who the three figures were, and about all sorts of hidden meaning. All I knew was that I was supposed to be paying attention to a central event in the salvation of mankind, and all I could look at were these three well-dressed fellows having a casual chat. I felt a little guilty about this, somewhat selfish, for dwelling on the mundane over the sacred.

So it is in much of life. I spend so much of my time concerned with myself and with the things immediately surrounding me, with all of my everyday worries, and I completely forget to look at the whole. I make more of what is less, and less of what is more. I develop a skewed perspective, where the nearness of something to me is confused with its importance.

If I can begin to step back, and take in the whole picture, I will learn to think less of myself, while at the same time discovering everything about myself. I will find my place, and for me that means I will be home. The great fullness of being, the vast expanse of time, and the profound workings of Providence are the setting in which my life, however small and humble, must embrace its purpose.

Written in 7/2006

IMAGE:  Piero della Francesca, The Flagellation of Christ (c. 1455)