. . . “‘Is the insatiate discontent of
man to bind me to a constancy which belongs not to my ways? Herein lies my very
strength; this is my unchanging sport. I turn my wheel that spins its circle
fairly; I delight to make the lowest turn to the top, the highest to the
bottom.
“‘Come you to the top if you will, but
on this condition, that you think it no unfairness to sink when the rule of my
game demands it. Do you not know my ways? Have you not heard how Croesus, king
of Lydia, who filled even Cyrus with fear but a little earlier, was miserably
put upon a pyre of burning wood, but was saved by rain sent down from heaven?
Have you forgotten how Paulus shed tears of respect for the miseries of his captive,
King Perses?
“‘For what else is the crying and the
weeping in tragedies but for the happiness of kings overturned by the random
blow of fortune? Have you never learnt in your youth the ancient allegory that
in the threshold of Jove's hall there stand two vessels, one full of evil, and
one of good? What if you have received more richly of the good? What if I have
not ever withheld myself from you? What if my changing nature is itself a
reason that you should hope for better things?
“‘In any way, let not your spirit eat
itself away: you are set in the sphere that is common to all, let your desire
therefore be to live with your own lot of life, a subject of the kingdom of the
world.’”
—from
Book 2, Prose 2
Things
rise and fall. My situation may increase at one moment, quite unexpectedly, and
it may decrease just as quickly. Sometimes we call this chance, or luck, or we
personify it as Fortune, that force within our lives that seems always to be
out of our control. The only thing predictable about it is that it will
unpredictable, the only thing I know about it is that I can never know what it
will do.
It is
how I am going to make sense of all the rising and falling that will make all
the difference for me. Fortune insists she has her own way of doing things, and
that her terms are not negotiable. Sometimes I will be handed a portion from
the vessel filled with plenty, and at other times I will be handed a portion
from the vessel filled with want. That isn’t for me to decide.
In
facing such uncertainty, my own attitude can perhaps put the situation in
perspective. One of my grandmothers would always tell me not to “make opera” of
things. The other would tell me that life “doesn’t have to be a Greek tragedy”.
Youth is often drawn to melodrama, so I did not always take well to the
reminder, but both sayings stuck with me. I began to see that what I chose to
make of my circumstances was really what determined how they affected me.
I am
hardly learned in the dramatic arts, but I do recall being taught that tragedy
wasn’t just about bad things happening, or unhappy consequences. It was also
more importantly about how the thoughts and actions of the characters set the
terms for their downfall, and how their thoughts and actions might change
because of that downfall. A tragic story is a mirroring and magnification of
our own lives, and we will feel sympathy with such great suffering in another.
Aristotle said this was cleansing, because it helped us to understand
ourselves, and to perceive our own fatal flaws.
Let us
say, for the moment, that good or bad circumstances will inevitable come my
way, and I can have no say in this. But do I not have a say in how I respond to
Fortune? Is that within my power? Did not so many of the tragic heroes
only make their situation even worse through their pride, stubbornness, or
ignorance? Is it not possible to also make the situation better for me, even if
it will all happen as it must?
I
imagine both my grandmothers were suggesting precisely that, though, as
grandmothers are prone to do, far more clearly and directly. It will mean what
you make of it. Let it rule you, and it will consume you, just as it has
Boethius. Face it with some dignity, and you may somehow survive it.
So how
can I start to live with my own lot in life? Is it just begrudging acceptance,
or something more positive?
Written in 7/2015
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