Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.40

Examine men's ruling principles, even those of the wise, what kind of things they avoid, and what kind they pursue.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4 (tr Long)

I started learning long ago how helpful it could be to simply observe the way people behaved. This perhaps came easier for me, because I was usually the awkward and quiet fellow, and I was very rarely noticed by others. I may have often felt neglected, but this gave me a priceless opportunity to figure out what made people tick.

I could look around to see what people said and did, but I could also begin to see patterns of why they may have said and done those things. It was never about reaching into their minds to reveal their motives, but about considering how their words and deeds on the outside indirectly reflected what they wanted on the inside. This, in turn, could give me a sense of what was important to them, what they both desired and feared.

I can learn just as easily from both the foolish and the wise, from the vicious and the virtuous, and from all the degrees in between. It is as helpful to see all the warnings of how not to live, as well as the inspirations for how to live.

Their ruling principles become apparent in their actions. If they work to increase their possessions, or their reputations, or the satisfaction of their passions, and employ all other things in the service of those ends, this tells me much about them. They are quite different from those who work to improve themselves, regardless of whether there is some external payment, or if anyone else is looking, or if an immediate pleasure has to be surrendered for what is right.

I will sometimes make three sorts of mistakes when examining others, and each of these errors will hinder me from learning about how I, in turn, should live.

First, I should not confuse how people wish to appear in their words and actions, from what they actually want from their words and actions. This may be difficult to unravel, but true character, and not merely the illusion of character, will usually reveal itself quickly where the rubber meets the road, when there is a true test of priorities.

Second, I should not confuse understanding others with condemning or dismissing others. Once I observe a harmful or ignorant principle in any action, I immediately make it useless for my own improvement if I am harmful or ignorant within myself.

Third, no amount of observation will be of any use to me if I do not apply what I have learned, whether it is about what is good or bad, to my own decisions and actions. I cringe to think of how many times I knew full well that people were acting out of selfishness or in bad faith, but I trusted and followed them anyway, because my own principles were still disordered.

The best education in living will always be watching how people live, and learning from this what meaning and purpose is best for living.

Written in 12/2005