Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.3

Men seek retreats for themselves, houses in the country, seashores, and mountains, and you too are wont to desire such things very much. But this is altogether a mark of the most common sort of men, for it is in your power whenever you shall choose to retire into yourself.

For nowhere, either with more quiet or more freedom from trouble, does a man retire than into his own soul, particularly when he has within him such thoughts that by looking into them he is immediately in perfect tranquility.

And I affirm that tranquility is nothing else than the good ordering of the mind. Constantly then give to yourself this retreat, and renew yourself, and let your principles be brief and fundamental, which, as soon as you shall recur to them, will be sufficient to cleanse the soul completely, and to send you back free from all discontent with the things to which you return.

For with what are you discontented? With the badness of men? Recall to your mind this conclusion, that rational animals exist for one another, and that to endure is a part of justice, and that men do wrong involuntarily. And consider how many already, after mutual enmity, suspicion, hatred, and fighting, have been stretched dead, reduced to ashes, and be quiet at last.

But perhaps you are dissatisfied with that which is assigned to you out of the Universe? Recall to your recollection this alternative: either there is Providence or atoms, the fortuitous concurrence of things. Or remember the arguments by which it has been proven that the world is a kind of political community, and be quiet at last.

But perhaps corporeal things will still fasten upon you? Consider then further that the mind mingles not with the breath, whether moving gently or violently, when it has once drawn itself apart and discovered its own power, and think also of all that you have heard and assented to about pain and pleasure, and be quiet at last.

But perhaps the desire of the thing called fame will torment you? See how soon everything is forgotten, and look at the chaos of infinite time on each side of the present, and the emptiness of applause, and the changeableness and want of judgment in those who pretend to give praise, and the narrowness of the space within which it is circumscribed, and be quiet at last.

For the whole earth is a point, and how small a nook in it is your dwelling, and how few are there in it, and what kind of people are they who will praise you.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4 (tr Long)

Some of us will go on a vacation to brag, to show how prosperous we are, by all of the exotic locations we visit. A woman I once knew was deeply angry about misplacing her holiday photos, and I’m not sure she quite grasped the meaning of what she said: “What’s the point of going abroad if I can’t show it off?”

That is simply another aspect of playing the game. It isn’t even about fun, but about appearing to have fun, so that others will be impressed, and will envy our fake blessings.

Others go on vacation to get away from it all. I can relate to this a bit more. Yet I have run away so many times, whether it is a journey, or a change of life, that I also begin to see how shallow this attitude can be. It is less a matter of where I might be going, but more a matter of what I might be fleeing from.

Where I grew up, working class men defined their success by the power to buy a summer home on Cape Cod. I was told that folks in Philadelphia think they have it made when they get a place on the Jersey Shore. In San Antonio, you need a cabin in the Hill Country. The fortunate might make their way to Hawaii for their fun in the sun. The absolute best of us go to the south of France.

Let us, by all means, enjoy all the pleasures of life. The Stoic should never oppose enjoyment. But flight can never make something right. Running from something offers no distance at all from who we are inside of ourselves.

I have far too often overlooked the greatest refuge Nature has given me, the comfort of my own mind and heart. When I have run away, I was really just trying vainly to avoid myself. I thought that moving away from the things that hurt would make it easier, but it didn’t. I thought that changing cities would make it easier, but it didn’t. I thought that moving from the city to the country would make it easier, but it didn’t.

I had everything I needed all along, but I had forgotten it.

What was really troubling me? It was my stubbornness in facing myself. I didn’t need to go anywhere else, or do different things. I didn’t need to retreat from myself, but I needed to retreat within myself.

What a treasure it is to find tranquility within oneself. It’s all there, because the value of my life depends on the soundness of my thinking. I will then be concerned only about the things that truly matter to me. Remove the foolish love of false things, and I remove the worry about what I perceived as being wrong.

Am I frustrated by the actions of others? I need only my own action.

Am I frustrated by what fate has given me? I need only the power of my own choice.

Am I frustrated by greed and lust? I need only the recognition that they do not rule me.

Am I frustrated by what others may think of me? I need only, in humble honesty, to think well for myself.

Going somewhere else won’t make it any better. Being someone better will make it better. 

Written in 4/2005