Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 2.4

Remember how long you have been putting off these things, and how often you have received an opportunity from the gods, and yet you do not use it.

You must now at last perceive of what Universe you are a part, and of what Ruler of the Universe your existence is an efflux, and that a limit of time is fixed for you, which if you do not use it for clearing away the clouds from your mind, it will go, and you will go, and it will never return.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2 (tr Long)

I often ask myself the “what if?” question, and I wonder how things would be different if I had followed through instead of holding back, or restrained myself instead of acting on impulse. I find it too easy to tie myself in knots about missed chances and wasted opportunities, speculating aimlessly about all the possible outcomes.

I feel regret for not helping a friend that needed me, and who’s passing made it impossible for me to make it right. I feel resentment for reaching out to someone I loved, only to be cast down further than I was before. I often wish I had done these things differently.

Yet making the best of opportunities is never about regretting things that can’t be changed, or altering circumstances that are far beyond our power. The real chances we are offered concern what we can do with what is given, right here and now, not our ability to manipulate what we might receive.

There is really only one opportunity that I am offered, and I am offered it for every single moment that I am alive. Whatever may happen to me, will I act with prudence when others act with ignorance? Will I act with fortitude when others act with cowardice? Will I act with temperance when others act with excess? Will I act with justice when others act with greed?

The only possible reason I might delay on such a commitment is because I am not yet ready to make the promise. The only reason I am not ready to make the promise is because I do not have my house in order, because I do not yet care enough about the right things, and I care too much about the wrong things.

I cared too much about the pain that would have come with loving a friend to whom I should have easily offered help, and I cared too much about the resentment that came with loving a friend I should have easily forgiven.

To commit to virtue sometime seems like stepping into the unknown. There’s the rub. It is never about what will or will not happen, about the outcomes, but only about the merit of my commitment. The edge of that cliff that seems so stable can very easily crumble, and I am no safer standing on what I falsely perceive as solid ground than I am moving myself forward.

1980’s advertising told us that life is short, so we should play hard. Stoicism tells us that life is short, so we should live well. There is a real difference here, since gratification and service are not the same thing.

Why delay? Fear is countered by courage, and despair is countered by hope. Courage and hope spring from depending upon what doesn’t fail. I should never fear what cannot hurt me, and I should never despair of what I cannot lose.

My circumstances will not hurt me, if I do not allow it, and my character is something I need not lose, if I do not allow it. I should never think there is more time for making things right, because the now is the only certain opportunity.

Written in 6/2004

Image: Caspar David Friedrich, The Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog (c. 1817)