Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 2.1

Begin the morning by saying to yourself: I shall meet with the busybody, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil.

But I who have seen the nature of the good that is beautiful, and of the bad that it is ugly, and the nature of him who does wrong, that it is akin to me, not only of the same blood or seed, but that it participates in the same intelligence and the same portion of the divinity, I can neither be injured by any of them, for no one can fix on me what is ugly, nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him.

For we are made for cooperation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth. To act against one another then is contrary to Nature, and it is acting against one another to be vexed and to turn away.

—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2 (tr Long)

I have often felt, as I am sure many of us have, that the selfishness, malice, and pettiness of others has been the greatest obstacle to my own sanity and sanctity. It would be so much easier to live well if others did not live so poorly.

That concern is, however, not an expression of my problems, but the very root of my problems. Others are hardly the obstacles, because as soon as I think in that way, I am passing on the blame. My own thinking is the only obstacle.

Another tries to hurt me, because he thinks it is right to do so. I will only allow myself to be hurt if I also think it is right to do so. If this is the case, I have already lost, for I have defined myself by conflict, and I have justified myself through division. Hatred has just bred more hatred. The only difference was that one instance was beyond my power, and the other instance was entirely within my power.

Selfishness, malice, and pettiness are all built on the premise that we are at our best in opposition. I cannot change the assumption of another, but I can easily change my own assumption. Nature makes us to be together, and not apart, to work in harmony, and not in strife. I should worry less if another understands this, than if I understand it and live it myself.

The complementary of human beings is no pipe dream, but is grounded in our very identity. Creatures that can know what is good in itself, completely above what is gratifying only to their passions, are given one of the most wonderful gifts. I don’t need to be better than someone else, but I can be better with someone else. It doesn’t matter if someone else tips the balance the wrong way, because I can decide to tip it right back.

Life does often seem like a battle, but we are not fighting other people. We are only fighting ourselves. You may try to hurt me, but only I can choose to be hurt. You are my neighbor, not my enemy, made for the same purpose that I am, and I refuse to engage in combat with you. You may want to make me miserable, but I will still try to help you to be happy.

Anyone who wants to harm you, to discredit you, or to dismiss you is not an obstacle at all. He is only an obstacle to himself, and an opportunity for you to be good in the face of evil. I should attempt to think of ignorance as a chance to pursue wisdom, and vice as a means to seek virtue.

Written in 1/2000

Image: Hans Holbein, The Arrogance of Rehoboam (c. 1530)