The ignorant man's position and character is this: he never looks to himself for benefit or harm, but to the world outside him. The philosopher's position and character is that he always looks to himself for benefit and harm.
The signs of one who is making progress are: he blames none, praises none, complains of none, accuses none, never speaks of himself as if he were somebody, or as if he knew anything. And if any one compliments him he laughs in himself at his compliment; and if one blames him, he makes no defense.
He goes about like a convalescent, careful not to disturb his constitution on its road to recovery, until it has got firm hold. He has got rid of the will to get, and his will to avoid is directed no longer to what is beyond our power but only to what is in our power and contrary to nature.
In all things he exercises his will without strain. If men regard him as foolish or ignorant he pays no heed. In one word, he keeps watch and guard on himself as his own enemy, lying in wait for him.
—Epictetus, The Handbook, Chapter 48 (tr Matheson)
I’ve been reading fancy philosophy for quite some time, but it was only more recently that I started to see what all those fine words meant in the regular practice of life. I think especially about my estimation of happiness, and the measure of what I think to be good or bad in life.
If the world gave me nice things, I felt happy, and if it took all the nice things away, I felt miserable. I could swing wildly from ecstasy to agony at a moment’s notice, and it finally sank in that there was something very wrong here. I began to notice that a dependence on pleasant circumstances made my character weaker, and then when those pleasant circumstances were replaced with unpleasant ones, that character was so atrophied that I was crushed under the weight. I wasn’t making the right choices when the world was going as I wanted it to, because the world was really doing all the leading and directing. Now I no longer knew how to lead and direct myself when those false edifices fell away.
For a time, I thought that the ignorant man was also a lazy man, because he depended on things other than himself. I also learned, however, that the lover of circumstances may work very hard at getting what he wants, and that the problem isn’t how much effort we put into something, but toward what end we direct that effort. Working with complete dedication to get the world to conform to me is just as foolish as doing nothing at all and expecting the world to conform to me. My weakness is simply in looking outward, and not inward, for benefit or harm.
The reason a good man never offers praise or blame to others is not because there is no such thing as responsibility, but because he recognizes that he needs to be accountable to himself. The reason a good man cares nothing for praise or blame from others is not because he is cold and heartless, but because he recognizes that he must never define himself through their judgment.
The very desire to get and to avoid must be radically transformed, to learn to accept the world as it will be, and to concern myself only with my own desires, thoughts, and actions.
I had often thought that holding on tight to all the right people as my friends would bring me benefits, and blocking off all the wrong people as my enemies would keep me from harm. Yet how people will come and go, or how any circumstances will come and go, has never been under my control, and I am following a path of ignorance when I allow these things to rule me.
I am the one who will determine what is good and evil in myself, and therefore the only author of my happiness or misery. I will either be my own best friend, or my own worst enemy. I should hold up a mirror instead of pointing the finger.
Written in 10/1995
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